After All This Time
by Blossomwitch
Summary: Old friends can be some of the best things in life. But what do you do when an old friendship turns into something more? Do you risk pursuing it? Yusuke thinks so...Kurama doesn't. Complete.
1. Warning

A/N: Okay, so I try not to write so many fanfics at one time (three YYH alone right now!). But work has been incredibly boring lately, with the result that I have dedicated this, my first full length Kurama/Yusuke fic, to being scribbled down in between calls to entertain myself. The time between updates will be entirely dependant on how slow work is. I'm really fond of this story and I hope you all enjoy it even though it's not my usual pairing.

Chapter One: Warning_  
_

_Thud. Thud. Thud._

The sound of Yusuke Urameshi's head rhythmically hitting the wall. Atsuko turned up the television to compensate and called in irritation to her son to be quieter. So Yusuke moved into his room and over to the corner farthest from the living room, and continued to bang his head, slowly, against whatever was handy.

Stupid. Stupid, stupid Yusuke. But then, when had he ever shown a history of intelligence?

Yusuke flopped down on his bed and tried to reason with himself. Okay. So you've kissed a guy. No big deal.

You've kissed one of your best friends. Slightly bigger deal, but we're still within the realm of not freaking out, right? It was only in play, after all.

The first time, at least...

_Thud._

_-------------------------- _

"Oy! Shuichi!"

Yusuke nearly laughed out loud at the look of relief on Kurama's face when he looked up and saw Yusuke waiting. He did allow himself to grin as he watched his teammate trying to extricate himself from the crowd of people he was sitting with. It never failed. Whenever Kurama attended any academic institution, he wound up with a devoted knot of admirers. Yusuke had watched it happen in his junior high, and high school, and the first college he had attended; now Kurama had transferred into a more prestigious university far enough away from his home that he'd had to rent an apartment in the city, and from the looks of things nothing was any different here. Yusuke was glad he'd volunteered to come pick Kurama up on his first day of class--the fox might not have been able to escape if it wasn't clear he had a ride waiting.

Kurama hurried down the path. As soon as he was in earshot he said, softly and a little pleadingly, "Yusuke, will you pretend to be my boyfriend?"

Yusuke nearly laughed again. "What's the matter, fan club on your nerves already?"

"Please. If they think you're with me they might leave me alone. Your reputation precedes you."

"Damn right it does." Yusuke handed him the spare motorcycle helmet. "So what do you want me to do?"

"Hold still and don't freak out." Kurama leaned forward and planted a gentle kiss on Yusuke's lips. "That should discourage them."

"Oh, come on, Kurama. If you were my boyfriend, I wouldn't kiss you like _that_."

Green eyes sparkled with mischief. "Oh? And just how would you kiss me, Yusuke?"

Never one to back down from a challenge--particularly one that included kissing a good looking redhead--Yusuke grabbed Kurama by the back of his neck, right where his scruff would have been if he were in fox form, and drew him closer. "Like this."

In retrospect Yusuke would never know how he got the nerve to grab and kiss Kurama like that. He was Yusuke Urameshi, fighter and street punk extraordinaire, but kissing? Not his strong suit. So of course he chose to lay one on Kurama, who as Youko was renowned almost as much as a lover as he was as a thief. Stupid, stupid Yusuke.

But hell, he was always doing stupid things, and the only way to make them less stupid was to follow through on them. So pretending utter confidence, he pulled the redhead close and laid his lips firmly on Kurama's.

He then surprised the hell out of himself by frenching him.

Kurama surprised the hell out of him by letting him.

No--not letting him. Letting implied that Kurama was not an active participant in the kiss. Instead, Yusuke suddenly found his tongue engaged in a battle for dominance with Kurama's. As previously mentioned Yusuke was not one to back down from a challenge. What began as a bluff was quickly turning into a... what?

Yusuke didn't know. He wasn't thinking. His body was taking over and telling him what to do--snake his hand into Kurama's hair, use it to tilt his head to the side so you can kiss him deeper, taste his mouth and his tongue, pull him closer...

Kurama withdrew his tongue far enough from Yusuke's mouth to murmur, "Yusuke."

Wham. Reality. Yusuke kept his hand on the back of Kurama's head for effect, but he did pull back. "Think that'll convince them?" he panted.

Kurama gave a small shrug, sneaking a glance at the group he had been sitting with. "Should have."

"Well, just to be sure." Recklessly Yusuke leaned in and kissed Kurama again. He couldn't help himself. He had tasted something he never had before, something that left him tingly and intrigued and keen to explore more of it. He thought he could feel Kurama smiling around the second kiss--was he pleased, or amused?

Yusuke drew back, dropping the hand that had gotten entangled in Kurama's hair. "There. That should do it."

"It certainly should," Kurama replied, taking his helmet and fastening it as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

Which in a sense, it hadn't. One of them had asked the other to do something, and the other had done it without questions or hesitation. Simple enough, and it happened most every day. But what Kurama had asked--

_He didn't ask you to kiss him, you moron!_ Yusuke berated himself. _He only asked you to pretend to be with him so he could avoid attention. _Yusuke was the one who had taken it so far.

Yusuke was the one who was suffering the consequences.

He climbed onto the motorcycle and stiffened slightly when Kurama, in climbing on behind him, wrapped his arms around Yusuke's waist. "Sorry," Kurama murmured in his ear. "Just keeping in character."

"Cool," Yusuke managed to say. He kicked the motorcycle into life and pulled away, leaving a small crowd of disappointed spectators behind them.

As soon as they were out of sight, Kurama removed his arms and Yusuke found he could breathe again. "So, what are you doing with the rest of the afternoon?" he asked.

"Mm... nothing, yet. First day of class so there's no homework. Why, can I do something for you?"

"I have a ridiculous amount of energy," _in no small part inspired by kissing you,_ "and nothing to do with it."

He could hear in Kurama's tone when he answered that he was smiling. "You know where to go, then."

Yusuke also smiled, and happily turned the motorcycle away from home and towards The Wood.

It wasn't really a wood, more like a couple of blocks of undeveloped, overgrown land, but The Wood was what they called it. They had discovered it on one of their romps through the city together, with the trees growing high around it, and soon with a little help from Kurama they had grown higher and started giving off a vague sense of foreboding to humans, virtually guaranteeing their privacy. Yusuke came here frequently, sometimes Kurama or occasionally Kuwabara but sometimes by himself, at night, just for the sheer beauty and solitude of the place. It's primary use, however, was what they came there for now: a safe place to let their demon powers play.

Soon two blurs were shooting through the grass, one red and one brown, and laughter and oaths were on the air. They were very evenly matched and sometimes the sparring matches would run for hours, neither able to gain the upper hand, until they both laughingly gave up. Other times the victories would be swift and varied between them, and each had long since lost any reservations about conceding to the other. Today proved to be a day of shorter matches. Yusuke was distracted--why the hell had he kissed Kurama anyway? Well, why the hell shouldn't he?--and Kurama won three fights within an hour. Disappointed, he told Yusuke he wouldn't play any longer unless Yusuke would provide him with a challenge.

The comment stirred Yusuke's resentment, as Kurama had meant it to. Unfortunately for Yusuke Kurama was already ready for the increase in his concentration and ability, and the next round didn't go so easy. Kurama took to the trees, laughing at Yusuke's inability to pursue him; Yusuke gritted his teeth and leapt after him with an admitted lack of grace. Kurama did not grow careless, so Yusuke knew it was his own prowess when he finally managed to guess the fox's next leap and smash into him, throwing them both to the ground.

They tumbled over each other a few times, but Yusuke was very adept at pins and was already working; when they came to a stop it was Yusuke straddling Kurama's waist, the fox's hands securely pinned above his head. Kurama lay still, his chest heaving slightly and his breath stirring Yusuke's bangs. His hair had come loose while they fell and it was tangled in the grass, red on green, green as the eyes regarding him curiously...

"Yusuke?"

Yusuke realized he had been holding Kurama still, staring at him, for close on to a minute. "What?"

"I think you won."

_I think I'm loosing it. _

Yusuke nodded, but did not move. After regarding him curiously for a few moments, Kurama tentatively tried to shift his legs out from under Yusuke, then tried to release his hands. Yusuke resisted him on both counts. Kurama looked at him. "You know I can escape if I want to." Yusuke nodded. "And you know I've conceded." Yusuke nodded again. "So... what are you waiting for?"

Yusuke didn't answer, because he couldn't. Kurama shifted again and Yusuke pinned him down harder. Kurama looked at him with bewilderment.

"What do you think of your new classmates?" Yusuke asked suddenly.

"I don't know them well yet, but they seem pleasant enough. Why do you ask?" Kurama asked calmly.

"Are you interested in any of them?"

"Yusuke, I don't know them. And besides, you know how I feel about dating humans."

Yusuke nodded. He knew exactly how Kurama felt about dating humans, because after breaking up with Keiko he had begun to feel the same way. They had even discussed it before. "So, if you know the answer, why did you ask?"

Yusuke shook his head. "I don't know."

They stared at each other for another moment. Kurama shifted again, perhaps trying to afford himself more comfort, and Yusuke found his hands contracting and pressing down on Kurama's wrists with an iron grip. At the same time, a wave of excitement rolled through his body.

Now Kurama was frowning at him. Probably trying to figure out what was going on inside that notoriously thick skull--well, Yusuke didn't know either. He just knew that he was waiting for something, and he wasn't going to let Kurama go until it happened.

Kurama cocked his head to the side in befuddlement. The angle of his head made his lips very inviting. Slowly Yusuke lowered his mouth--

--and stopped centimeters away. There was something wrong. Kurama's eyes had not gone cold, nor had be moved, but there was something, something that Yusuke felt he would ignore at his own peril. Some kind of warning.

He hovered for a moment, feeling Kurama's breath on his lips, too close to even make eye contact. Then he pulled back. He studied Kurama for a moment, trying to conceptualize what had just happened, and found Kurama's eyes unusually grave and just a bit bewildered.

Even then it took Yusuke a moment to release him. Part of him was glad he had not kissed the owner of such grave eyes, but another part of him was seized with inexplicable want from looking at them. The only time Yusuke had ever seen Kurama's eyes like that before was on the roof of the hospital when his mother lay dying.

And that thought, more than anything, caused Yusuke to release Kurama's wrists and stand up, automatically pulling Kurama to his feet as well. Kurama dusted himself off. "Do you have to be at the ramen shop, Yusuke?" His tone was normal, but Yusuke felt it again--the warning.

"Yeah. Yeah, I do. I'll take you home first."

"I wouldn't want to make you late."

"You live close enough."

They didn't speak much on the ride home. And when Yusuke pulled over it seemed to him that Kurama left quicker than usual, with only a casual "Goodbye, Yusuke," thrown over his shoulder.

_Well, of course the guy's quick to leave. You pinned him down and wouldn't let him up and didn't explain why._ And yet, hadn't Kurama said, _You know I can escape if I want to._ And he hadn't.

But there had been a warning. Yusuke wasn't even sure Kurama had been its origin, but it had been there.

Kurama would have been justified in warning him, Yusuke realized. Kurama had asked Yusuke to help him out of an awkward situation, and in response Yusuke had stuck his tongue down his throat and then subjected him to a long, completely unnecessary, awkward moment. Reflecting on the series of oddities the afternoon had held, Yusuke decided there was a serious possibility he had just screwed up their friendship.

Yusuke drove home--for he had lied to Kurama, he did not have to go to work that day--and went up the stairs, and slowly started to beat his head against the wall.


	2. Invitation

A/N: Thank you all for the wonderful reviews! 

Chapter Two: Invitation

"Yusuke?"

Yusuke didn't look up. "Hey, Kurama."

There was a moment of silence in which Kurama stood in front of Yusuke and Yusuke failed to acknowledge him, opting instead to observe his own foot digging into the ground. Then, instead of walking off, Kurama lowered himself into the swing next to Yusuke. They sat in silence for a moment, occupying one of the older swingsets and watching children and their parents swirl around the park. "What can I do for you, Yusuke?" Kurama finally asked.

"What makes you think I need anything done for me?"

"You're obviously in some kind of distress; you're unusually glum, and you're a long way from home on a Saturday afternoon--"

"So are you."

"On the contrary; I'm going to my mother's." Yusuke realized with a start that the park he had come to a landing in was indeed close to  
Kurama's old house--and situated inbetween it and the train station. Somehow, he had a feeling he hadn't wound up here by accident. Damn _subconcious_. "What I was going to say was, aren't you usually at the arcade at this time?"

"Didn't feel like it."

"You felt like coming here, instead." Something in his voice made

Yusuke think Kurama had noticed what he himself had just realized; that Yusuke was perfectly poised to encounter the fox.

"I felt like watching--y'know--families."

"What's going on at your house?"

Yusuke shook his head, unfazed by Kurama zeroing in on the cause of his glumness. "I don't really know. I left last night when the booze and gangsters started pouring in and I don't plan on being back until they leave Monday morning."

"Does this usually happen?"

Yusuke shrugged. "Every so often she'll have a party at our place instead of going to one somewhere else. She forgot I was home."

"Yusuke, have you eaten today?" Yusuke shook his head, not looking at Kurama, ashamed before the tender concern in his voice. "Where did you sleep last night?" Yusuke gave a listless shrug.

They sat in silence for a moment. Then Kurama stood. "I'm going to be late. Would you like to come?"

"Come where?"

"To my mother's, for dinner," Kurama answered, as though it was natural.

Yusuke blinked. "But--your mom's not expecting me."

"Doesn't matter. Shuuichi and I are both allowed to bring someone along without notice, so there will be plenty of food and you won't be  
imposing. Want to come?"

Yusuke did, very much. "But..." Suspicion seized him. "Kurama, is this your attempt to get some food into me, because I have the Yukimuras for that, I don't need your pity."

"Good, because you haven't got it. Sympathy, maybe, but not pity. And that's not why I invited you." Kurama extended his hand. "Coming?"

Yusuke looked at him for a minute before taking his hand. "Fine, wouldn't want to make you any later," he muttered.

"Good." Kurama started walking, and since Yusuke's hand was in his Yusuke was obliged to follow. Funny, that...they didn't usually hold  
hands...and yet here they were, neither of them seeming inclined to let go...was this what Yusuke's subconscious had had in mind when it planted him squarely in Kurama's path?

Yusuke took advantage of the silence that had fallen to mull things over. He thought back to how he had kissed Kurama on Monday; he would have thought he had imagined the warning that had hung in the air if it hadn't been for the fact that he'd seen less of the kitsune than normal since then. In fact, he hadn't seen him at all. But now here he was, holding Kurama's hand and on his way over to a family dinner.

The only conclusion Yusuke could come to was that some god out there--Koenma, no doubt--was getting a good laugh out of the situation.

Longing.

A feeling that Kurama in general seemed to inspire in Yusuke lately, but this--this was different. A deeper longing, one that had been with  
Yusuke for more time, rose to the surface and settled over him, leaving him both pining for inclusion in Kurama's life and insanely jealous of  
it. The only thing that made him feel better was that he knew Kurama knew exactly what he had with his home life and was grateful for it; that, and the fact that for one night at least, he had been included in it.

Shiori had greeted them at the door with a squeal and a hug for her son, and then had surprised Yusuke by addressing him by name and adding that he was "that sweet boy from the hospital" as she ushered him in out of the rain that had begun to fall and into the warmth of the kitchen. Shuuichi the younger and Hatanaka-san took Yusuke's presence in stride, but Shiori seemed actively delighted to have him. She swatted away each male's attempts to help her cook and serve dinner, claiming it was her job, though Yusuke noted this didn't seem to deter the men and Kurama actually succeeded in carrying some of the food to the table before she caught him. At dinner the conversation flowed naturally, and Yusuke was astonished at how much they seemed to have to talk to each other about--school, work, friends, everything was inquired after. Laughter was frequent as they teased each other, particularly the boys, but there was no malice in any of it. In fact, Yusuke couldn't remember ever having been in a room that held less malice. The food was, as Kurama had promised, abundant; Yusuke tried to protest that he wasn't a bottomless pit but Shiori just laughed and said she knew how teenagers ate, and made sure he got second helpings of everything. Watching her, and the others, and the light and warmth in the room, Yusuke realized just exactly what made Kurama such a deadly fighter: he was protecting this.

But such reflections were heavy, and the mood was light; Yusuke found himself swept up in the family dynamic, laughing along with them,  
feeling less and less awkward and consequentially thinking less and less as the night wore on. They were still lingering over their dessert when Shiori rose and looked out the window with a frown on her face. "Something wrong, Mother?" Kurama asked.

"It's pouring out there," Shiori said. "You boys will catch your death of cold trying to get to the train much less walk home from it; I don't  
even know how far Yusuke has to walk."

Yusuke swallowed. "It's not far--"

Hatanaka-san also rose and peaked out the window. "Ugh," he said. "I wouldn't send a dog out in that. I'll drive you boys home when you're ready."

Kurama and Yusuke gave their thanks, and Shiori smiled at her husband.

But no less than ten minutes later, when they were cleaning up the dishes, the lights went out.

Everyone froze for a minute. "Well...that's interesting," Shuuichi murmured.

"Storm must have downed a tree or something," Hatanaka-san said, rising to peer out the window again. "Oh, damn..."

"What?" Shiori asked.

"The car's stuck in the garage now. It won't open manually. How're we going to get the boys home?"

"They'll just have to stay the night," Shiori said.

Yusuke's eyes widened. "I don't--"

"You're not imposing, dear," Shiori told him firmly. "We're not sending you out in this. Now, we'll just set up the pull-out in the living room  
for the two of you since Shuichi's bed left with him, and Kazuya will drive you both home in the morning. Do you have to be at work or  
anything, Yusuke?"

Yusuke shook his head. He saw a faint flush cross Kurama's face, and an answering smirk cross Shuuichi's. Yusuke went back over what Shiori had said and realized what they both had--that he and Kurama would be sleeping in the same bed that night. The awkwardness, the warning and the uncertainty and the general weirdness that he had been ignoring since coming into the wonderful house come crashing down around him again.

No doubt about it--Koenma was having a good, good laugh.


	3. Truth or Dare

_A/N: Have had this ready for a few days but for some reason wasn't able to upload it... anyway, it's here now. I know it's a little on the short side, but an easy chapter break presented itself so I took it. Next chapter coming sooner, I hope!_

Chapter Three: Truth or Dare

"Alright--why does your brother keep doing that?"

"Doing what?" Kurama asked, in a perfect imitation of innocence. At least, Yusuke hoped it was an imitation.

"Looking at us like that. Smirking. Hell, I'm surprised your parents didn't notice."

The other members of the family had just gone upstairs; they had all been playing cards together until Shuuichi had said he was (wink, wink) tired and they all should (nudge, nudge) go to bed. "I don't think they haven't noticed," Kurama said, a faint blush painting his skin again. "You just have to look a little closer to catch it when my mother smirks."

"Why are they--"

"Because they think we're dating."

Yusuke blinked. "Wait--your own mom contrived to get you into bed with a man she thinks you're dating?" He reached to help Kurama spread out the covers. "Your mom's cool, Kurama."

"She's ruthless," Kurama corrected. "The rainy night trick is her favorite, she used to trap Hiei here with it all the time."

Yusuke started to ask something, but he stopped, biting his lip. This night was already going to be tricky; best to steer back to safer ground. "Been a long time since I've had a sleepover," he commented, climbing into his side of the bed.

Kurama grinned, sliding into the other side. "Shall we stay up late telling secrets?"

'Yeah, and playing Truth or Dare and sneaking cookies out of the kitchen." Kurama shook his head, smiling. Yusuke looked at him for a minute, pondering. "Truth or dare, fox."

Kurama looked surprised. "We're actually playing?"

"Truth or--"

"Truth."

And just like that, Yusuke knew it was a bad idea. While his brain sought to come up with a safe, logical question, his mouth went right ahead and asked the question it wanted to know. "Am I the first person you've had over for dinner since Hiei?"

"Yes." Plain and simple, no elaboration; and that good ol' warning was back, no question about it. Only this time, Yusuke was certain it was coming from Kurama. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

Kurama smiled. "I dare you to accept at least as many truth questions as dares."

Yusuke spluttered. "But--that's--"

"It's perfectly fair, Yusuke, and I know you. You're the type who takes dare after dare and avoids the truth questions like mad, aren't you? Do you accept the dare?"

"Well I'm certainly not chickening out _this_ early. But I still think it was a dirty trick. Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"Dare you to kiss me."

It was out before Yusuke could think about it. If anything, he said it because he was angry at the kitsune and wanted to make things awkward for him. _Shit, I have got to not play this game when I'm not thinking straight. _He pretended he wasn't afraid as he waited for Kurama's response.

Kurama regarded him levelly for a moment, his mouth set in a firm line. Then he leaned forward--_oh gods, he's actually going to do it--_

Kurama was a good kisser, there was no doubt about that. Yusuke tried to keep himself from melting into the kiss he had asked for, tried to keep from liking it too much, but it was impossible. Kurama kissed both gently and masterfully at the same time, letting you know who was in charge, but it was alright because you should just sit back and enjoy the ride anyway. His lips and tongue worked in tandem and Yusuke didn't even think about not opening his mouth for the attention it was receiving.

And then, just as Yusuke was getting well and truly lost in the sensations, they ended. He opened his eyes to find Kurama leaning over him, his eyes cold and grave. "Truth or dare."

"Truth," Yusuke said softly.

"What are you playing at?"

Yusuke sat up--he had somehow wound up on his back during the kiss--and ran a hand over his face. "I don't know." He shrugged helplessly. "I know that probably pisses you off, and I don't know if it counts as an answer, but it's true. I don't know."

"It was a truth question," Kurama said, quiet and composed as always. "If your answer was truthful, then that's all that matters."

"So..."

"So it's your turn to ask me."

"Truth or dare?"

Kurama hesitated, which let Yusuke know that the fox was at least as off balance as he himself was. Trying to decide which answer left Yusuke less room to maneuver in, no doubt. "Truth."

By this point Yusuke had given up trying to control what came out of his mouth; he just let the first question he had surface. "Why do you keep looking at me like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like--just now, after this last dare, you had this look on your face. Kind of like you were angry or upset with me, but kind of not. Kinda somber. And you had the same look back on Monday when I had you pinned in The Wood. Why do you keep looking at me like that?"

Kurama took a moment to think before answering. "I'm not certain," he said finally. "Maybe because I don't know what you're doing. Maybe because I don't want you to do it. There could be lots of reasons; I'm not exactly sure how it is that I look that distresses you, and I'm not exactly certain what causes it."

"...So, _do_ you not want me to do it?"

"That's two questions. It's my turn. Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"I dare you to stop the game right now."

Yusuke stared at him. "You sure do have a weird idea of what a dare constitutes, Kurama."

"I don't want to answer your next question."

"I know." They were quiet for a moment, and in the quiet Yusuke heard the hum of electricity. "Sounds like the power's back on...want to watch a movie, then, since we're done playing?"

"Sure." Kurama reached across Yusuke to reach the remote; and as he did so Yusuke, being the persistent fool he was, took the moment of inattention to wrap his arm around the kitsune's shoulders. When Kurama pulled back he found himself held lightly against Yusuke's side, head angled onto his shoulder. "You may have no idea what you're playing at, but you don't intend to stop playing, do you Yusuke."

"Nah. I like this game. I just wish I knew the rules."

"So do I."

And Kurama proceeded to prove that the rules were, indeed, being made up as they went along by staying where he was; he didn't try to move as the movie progressed, didn't pull away when it was finished and they turned the television back off, and didn't disentangle himself before they both fell asleep.


	4. Night

A/N: Hee, don't you love it when chapters write themselves? I'm sure it's in no small part do to everyone's reviews, your comments inspired me and gave me lots to think about, so thank you all and I hope you enjoy the kissing scene in this chapter. :)

Chapter Four: Night

Yusuke was awakened later that night by the disagreeable absence of a body next to his. He sat up, looking around for the thief who had stolen the warm body away, and found him standing by the window, staring out into the street. "Thinking of making a run for it?" Yusuke asked, his mouth slurred with sleep.

Kurama jumped and turned. "What?"

"You're contemplating the window the way Hiei does when he's about to ditch us all. So I wondered if you were going to flee the scene."

Kurama shook his head. "Rain's stopped," he said, turning back to the window.

"Oh." A pause. "That's nice." Another pause, and still Kurama remained at the window, seemingly interested in the view. "You coming back to bed?" Yusuke finally asked, with no small amount of sleep-muddled mystification.

Kurama shook his head. "I'm not tired. Not now." He leaned forward, against the windowsill. "It's so beautiful out there."

"Seems like it would be pretty drenched to me."

"It is," Kurama agreed happily. "The plants were parched before; now they're soaking it in. Singing about it."

"Ah." Now Yusuke understood: happy plants equaled happy Kurama. "Wait a minute--plants sing?"

"They do indeed," Kurama said, giving Yusuke a mildly dirty look, as though he suspected mocking.

"Wish I could hear it," Yusuke said, getting out of bed and stretching. He walked over to the window to see what Kurama found so bewitching. The sidewalk was drenched and the gutters were still full, but the skies were mostly clear and the only water falling fell from the leaves of the trees. He could practically smell the ozone through the glass.

Softly, so softly Yusuke didn't realize he was doing it for a minute, Kurama began to sing. It was an odd melody, so odd that Yusuke wasn't sure for a while that it actually was a melody and not just randomly strung together noises. He glanced at his companion and saw that his eyes were half closed and he was leaning forward against the windowsill; he smiled softly as he realized Kurama was trying to grant his wish by singing along with the plants so that Yusuke could hear it.

After a moment, Kurama opened his eyes fully and smiled apologetically. "It sounds better in the plant's language."

"Plants have a language?"

"Several of them. I can understand them well, but I speak with a very thick accent." Kurama smiled, and Yusuke smiled a little too at the mild absurdity of the statement.

He realized that Kurama's mood had rubbed off on him; he was wide awake. "Wanna go outside, then, so you can hear better?"

"I was actually just thinking about walking down to the park when you woke up," Kurama confessed. "The trees down there are so much older than the ones in this neighborhood, it's nice to hear them sing..."

"Then let's go." Kurama looked mildly surprised, and Yusuke shrugged. "You're awake, I'm awake: let's go."

Kurama smiled. "Let me just leave a note in case someone wakes up and finds us gone." There was a decided spring to his step as he went up the stairs to find paper, and Yusuke decided it had been a good idea to invite him outside. _Note to self: when seducing kitsunes, make attempts out of doors._

_Seducing?_ Yusuke supressed a snort at the thought of him, a 20 something street punk turned demon lord, seducing--well, anyone, let alone Youko Kurama. Even though he didn't really believe all the stories about Kurama that Jin had taken it upon himself to share, it was a fact that Kurama was several centuries older and therefore more experienced. Why, then, did it feel like Yusuke was leading in the little game they were playing?

_Maybe it's because I don't want you to do it. _Kurama's words from earlier echoed in his head. Maybe, he had said. Not enough to bring Yusuke to a dead halt, but definitely enough to make him pause. What the hell was with maybe?

Maybe. Maybe Kurama just didn't know what he was doing, either. Yusuke certainly didn't. He had never encountered anything like this before. Keiko had always been there for him, no questions asked. He had never had to work for her, or tell her that he wanted her, or risk losing by pursuing her. He wasn't sure how to do those things now, or even if he wanted to. He was just following blind instinct and desire. Seduction? More like exploration, Yusuke decided.

Then, the subject of the seduction/exploration/whatever came back down the stairs with the note written, and Yusuke went to get his shoes back on before they left.

They didn't hold hands as they walked this time; Kurama didn't offer, and anyway Yusuke felt like that would have been pushing it. Instead, he watched and listened with some bemusement as the normally reserved Kurama spoke with authority on a number of completely random yet entertaining topics, obviously taking great joy in the renewed and refreshed world around them.

Kurama's pleasure was infectious, and by the time they reached the park Yusuke was feeling quite playful. He went straight to the playground and climbed up the side of one of the plastic slides. "You know that isn't how it's meant to be used," Kurama chastised mildly.

"Yeah, but do you see any kids around?" Yusuke grinned down at Kurama from where he now hung, spider-like, from the guardrails at the top. "I say when the little kids have gone to bed the big kids get to play however they want."

Kurama's eyebrows arched. "That was mildly suggestive, Yusuke. Are we still playing, then?"

"Did I say we'd stopped?" Yusuke grinned. "We're at a playground, aren't we? So we should play. Red rover, hide and seek, mother may I..."

Kurama came closer, and tapped Yusuke's knee. "In that case, tag--you're it."

Yusuke lunged, and Kurama dodged. The playground was quickly abandoned as the fox led the detective in merry circles around the park. It was a familiar chase; they had done it many times before, and would do it many times again. Only this time the night sang around them with the joy of the rain and the boys were laughing as they ran, and it was definitely a game of tag and not a sparring match. No matter what happened Kurama could not escape from Yusuke, but Yusuke could not quite catch him either. So they continued the chase until, feeling silly, Yusuke reached down and grabbed several blades of grass and launched them at Kurama. "A deadly plant attack," he explained, breathless. "Though it doesn't seem to work for me as well as it does for you--but I'm sure I'll get the hang of it." He grabbed a twig and a few leaves from the ground and threw them, laughing at how far short they fell of their mark.

Kurama grinned and took a step back, placing one foot behind the other, and raised his arms, one hand wrapping around the other wrist and index finger extended. "Spirit gun," he announced, throwing his hair back over his shoulders.

Yusuke stared.

Nothing had happened, of course--Kurama just stood there, imitating Yusuke's attack with as much success as Yusuke had had imitating his, but something about the way he stood, something about the angle of his head or his shoulders or his hips, something made it all come very suddenly into focus. He stared.

Yusuke dropped the leaf he had been ready to launch, and instead walked forward slowly. Kurama watched him curiously. When he was close enough Yusuke put his hand over Kurama's and gently lowered them. Barrier overcome, he continued moving forward until he was as close as he could comfortably stand, and then he brought his hands up and cupped Kurama's face in them.

"I'm not playing," he told him quietly. And then he kissed him.

This kiss was different from the two that had already passed between them, as different as night and day. There was no pretense, no dare, no possible bragging or teasing allowed. It was real, it was clearly established that it was real, and it felt real--a touch of lips, tentative and trembling, that gradually deepened. Yusuke closed his eyes and reached out with all his senses for some hint of what Kurama was feeling. The lips against his were just as soft, just as hesitant as his own, but perhaps hid just as much longing. The feeling of being enveloped in a mutual desire was so tenuous, so delirious, Yusuke couldn't help but chase after it even though he was afraid it might break, or vanish like mist. He pressed closer and Kurama's mouth opened to him; Yusuke let his body talk for him, kissing oh so gently but oh so deeply, pursuing the fragile but real connection and not thinking, only feeling. It felt--right. Drowning not this time in sensation, but in emotion, Yusuke continued to kiss tenderly and let his arms lower and wrap around Kurama's waist, glad to hold the other close.

But then the lips against his pulled back.

It was a physical shock, it was like suddenly being taken off a drug, and Yusuke stumbled. Kurama steadied him, but his hands were stiff on Yusuke's arms. Yusuke found himself with a face full of red hair as Kurama turned his own face away.

They stood frozen for a moment; then Kurama stroked Yusuke's arms once, as if in apology, and moved back. It was just a single step, but it was enough to separate them. "If you're not playing, then I don't think we should be doing that," Kurama said.

Yusuke stared at him with no small confusion. He knew what he had felt; he knew Kurama had wanted to kiss him. Why then was the other demon pulling away, drawing around himself that composure he always seemed to possess? "Why shouldn't we?"

"It's really not a good idea. I didn't mean to let it get this far." Kurama looked apologetic.

"Kurama, I--"

"Yusuke." Kurama was swift to cut him off. "Let's start walking back. And let's talk as we walk. A talk is long, long overdue between us."


	5. Bad Habits

A/N: Presenting... The Chapter Which Would Not Be Written. I don't think it's quite up to the quality of the fic so far, and it definitely represents a shift in mood, but I'm considering it a victory to have written it, considering it, well... Would Not Be Written.

Chapter Five: Bad Habits

"Okay... let's talk."

Yusuke fell into step beside Kurama, and after a few moments in which he saw the fox was gathering his thoughts, he said, "Mind if I go first?"

Kurama shook his head. Yusuke took a deep breath, deciding now was the time for bluntness: or at any rate, deciding that he didn't know any other way to broach the subject. "I've been getting some mixed signals from you, Kurama. You've kissed me back everytime I've tried to kiss you. But you stopped us just now, and you stopped the game last night, and you said maybe you didn't want me to do all this. _Maybe_. You officially have the Great Urameshi confused." Yusuke stopped and drew a deep breath again, forcing himself to give Kurama a chance to speak. He hadn't realized there was so much he wanted to say.

"I apologize, Yusuke. It wasn't my intent to confuse you."

"But the mixed--"

"Again, I must apologize. Perhaps I've been a bit mixed up myself. But I think it's best if we don't pursue this." His voice was gentle.

"Okay..." Yusuke said slowly, confused.

"Okay?"

"No, not okay... I mean, just like that?"

"What's wrong with just like that?"

Yusuke stopped walking, and took Kurama's arm to make him stop as well. "What's wrong with it," he said when he'd met Kurama's eyes, "is that I know what I felt. I know how much you wanted to kiss me. I know if I kissed you again, right now, you'd kiss me back for a moment before you got control of yourself. So I need to know why, if all of that is true, you're putting a stop to it."

"It's simple, Yusuke." Kurama gently removed Yusuke's arm, and continued walking. "You're my best friend."

"So..."

"So, I'd like to keep it that way."

"So...you only think of me as a friend?"

"That's not what I said," Kurama corrected lightly.

"But... Confused. Me."

Kurama's tone was still gentle, as though he were working hard not to hurt or startle Yusuke. "Yusuke, I've lived a lot longer than you. I know how these things work. I have a bad habit, in fact, of falling in love with my friends. And it doesn't work out, every time, and then I've lost the friend. I won't lose you, Yusuke."

",I don't get it."

"I don't know how to make it clearer. I can't date you, because you're my friend. I value that friendship too much to destroy it in the pursuit of something more. As for the mixed signals... I can't stop myself from being curious, what it would be like, to pursue this. But I can put those feelings into perspective. Finding out would not be worth what it would do to us."

"You seem pretty convinced it wouldn't work out."

"I told you, I've done this before."

"More than once?"

"Every time I've been in love it was with my best friend. Every time the relationship has ended the friendship, too, was lost. I told you, it's a bad habit of mine. I'm not going to let that happen with you."

"So...you're rejecting me because you care about me."

Kurama's mouth smiled, but his eye's didn't. "Sounds senseless when you put it like that, but I'll admit it's accurate."

"That seriously sucks, Kurama," Yusuke said, anger seeping into his tone.

"I'm sorry. But it's better to do this now than later."

"Don't I get any say in this?"

"Your own feelings are of course your own concern," Kurama said, unruffled. "But knowing my decision, it would be pointless for you to pursue me."

"Yeah, but what if I think your decision's a load of crap?" Kurama sent him an annoyed glance, but Yusuke continued before he could speak. "If I think it's stupid, then I don't have to honor it."

"Yusuke--"

"Tell me honestly, Kurama. Just answer a question for me. If any of that stuff you just said didn't matter, if it didn't exist, would you want to be with me?"

Kurama didn't hesitate before answering. "Yes. But it does exist."

Yusuke didn't know what to say to that. It was complex, and he didn't like complex things. So they walked in silence for a moment, while Kurama appeared unconcerned and Yusuke stewed. Part of him wanted to scream at Kurama, but part of him understood what the fox was talking about; part of him shied away from the thought of ever loosing Kurama to awkwardness or hurt. But... "Keiko and I are still friends."

Dryly, "I congratulate you. You know as well as I do how rarely it happens that way."

"No, I don't. That's the only relationship I've ever had, and that's how it ended. And you watched it fall apart, so you know exactly where I'm coming from. It's not fair. I wish I knew more about where this theory that you're doomed to break up with your friends is coming from, so I could fight it."

"I trust you don't want the list."

"I do, actually."

Kurama's glance was far more annoyed this time. He did answer, but when he did so it was with no emotion in his voice. "Kaede was my first, and she left me fore someone else. It took me nearly a century to get over her. Then Binya was killed, not too long after we became lovers. Hamako things just didn't work out with, so she and I ended things. Koronue was also killed, and Dai betrayed me, so I killed him myself. And Hiei..." A short pause, to be sure, but Yusuke heard it. "Things just didn't work out again."

The annoyance that had been in Kurama's glance settled squarely onto Yusuke's shoulders. "I knew this was about him," he grumbled. "You think I'm going to hurt you like he did."

"No, I think I'm going to lose you like I lost him."

"You and he are still friends."

"Perhaps." Kurama's tone held sadness, now, the first hint of real emotion since the conversation began. "Not like we once were. Still friends, yes, but we're uneasy in each other's presence, and it still kills me every time I see him with Mukuro. Don't misunderstand me; I am truly happy for him, genuinely happy that he's found the person he can love. But it still hurts that I couldn't be the one to break his walls. I tried to reach him, and I couldn't, and she could." Kurama's mouth quirked in a humorless smile. "Perhaps this is another reason we shouldn't date. I don't appear to be quite over him. This just wouldn't be fair to you on so many levels."

"What do you mean?"

"Because I'm not over Hiei; because even if I was, you remind me of him sometimes, and I would look for him in you. Because I was hurt too recently and too deeply to open up to you. I'll tell you what Hiei should have told me ages ago, Yusuke: I'm not prepared to love you. I can try, but I don't expect to succeed, and it will end badly. Don't make me put you through that."

Silence descended after Kurama's heartfelt words. Yusuke didn't know how to respond to them. He was almost wishing they hadn't started this conversation, wishing he could go back to the awkwardness and the unasked questions, now that he knew their answers. He still wanted to argue with Kurama, but those last words gave him pause. _Don't make me put you through that._ Did Kurama really know something Yusuke didn't?

Or was he just afraid?

Softly, so softly he could barely hear himself, Yusuke accused, "You're a coward."

Kurama heard him; Kurama's face went smooth and impassive, a mask. "Perhaps."

"I've never seen you run away from anything, but this... you'll turn your back on me now?"

"I know when to cut my losses."

"No. No, you're not cutting your losses, you're just plain scared! You're scared of me, scared of feeling like this. I never knew you to be like this."

Kurama turned to face him, and stopped walking. "Then maybe you never knew me." The words were like a slap in the face. They were followed by a gentler, but firm, "Goodnight, Yusuke."

"Wha--" But even as he opened his mouth Yusuke realized that they had walked, not back to the Hatanaka household, but straight back to the center of town, to the corner where they had to part to reach their separate apartments. By the time he had words formed, Kurama was already half a block away. And though Yusuke watched until he couldn't see him anymore, the fox never once turned back to see what he was doing.


	6. Good Advice

Chapter Six: Good Advice

Over the next few days, Yusuke followed a course of action he had rarely followed in his life. He retreated.

He didn't mean to. He didn't contact Kurama on Sunday, telling himself he was giving the fox time to stew things over; but come Monday Yusuke was waiting in the parking lot at Kurama's school, prepared with a list of reasons why all Kurama's reasons were stupid. Kurama never once glanced at him; he left the building chatting with his classmates, stood at the entrance talking to them for a moment, then said goodbye and headed towards his home. Three times Yusuke drew breath to holler _Oy! Shuichi_! But each time the words froze in his throat. Kurama gave no indication of having seen him, but Yusuke got the feeling that he was being deliberately ignored nonetheless. It was the same feeling as the warning, and so he trusted it; but he was still unable to call out. Defeated, he watched Kurama's back until the bright red hair faded from sight, and then he drove back home.

Tuesday he was determined to go back and corner him, but when afternoon rolled around he found himself watching television, deliberately not looking at the clock so he could pretend he didn't know what time it was. And the number in his phone labelled Kurama went undialed. Somehow, something Kurama had said had gotten under his skin, and he didn't know how to fight it. So he retreated.

His mood went south quickly. He got into a few fistfights with Kuwabara, but they didn't make him feel better like they usually did. He yelled at his mother, which did no good, and snapped at a few customers at the ramen shop. On Friday, when he arrived for his shift, Keiko was waiting for him.

Considering that he worked in the building where she lived, he saw Keiko less than you would expect. She had finally convinced her father that her academics were more important than her ability to cook, and now she only helped out at the ramen shop when it was truly busy. She went to the same upscale university that Kurama did, but because of the time he'd spent working for Yomi she was actually a few years ahead of him. Now she was deeply immersed in graduate work and Yusuke usually only saw her as she flitted in and out. He knew the second he saw her standing at the front door that this was not one of those times.

Sure enough, when he said hello to her, she replied with, "Dad says you're irritating the customers."

"So tell him to fire my ass. I work here because I want to, not because I can't work anywhere else."

"Come on." Keiko went down the steps, then turned and looked back when she realized Yusuke wasn't following her. "They gave you the day off so you could work out whatever's bothering you. So come on."

"I don't need a damn heart-to-heart," Yusuke muttered, going after her.

"Then come shopping with me. I took the time off too and now I'm stuck with you, so the least you can do is carry my bags."

Her words were unkind, but Yusuke knew her intent was not. He also knew that she wasn't in the slightest bit deterred; and he also knew he would end up telling her everything. He could never beat her.

Two hours later, he found himself schlepping through the shopping district with several bags in each hand, pouring his heart out. "The thing is I can sorta see his point. I mean, I was there when he and Hiei broke up, it was nasty. Not like shouting-match nasty--I mean, they did it so quietly I think they were broken up before most of the team realized they were dating--but like hurt-feelings nasty. It was like--"

"I was there, Yusuke."

"Right. Anyway, the point is I understand if he's been burned and he doesn't want to play with fire again, but what I hate is that he's doing it under this self-righteous facade of not wanting to hurt me. Can't he just say "Yusuke, my last relationship sucked," instead of it being, "Yusuke, all my relationships suck and I'm not going to drag you into one because we'll end up hating each other?" It's like being in one of those damned fancy shops where you can look but they kill you for touching anything!"

"Actually, Yusuke, they let you touch if you intend to buy something."

"...Well what the hell does that have to do with the conversation!"

"Everything! It means that you can only get close to Kurama if he thinks you're in it for the long haul. I don't know if this is all about Hiei like you seem to think it is, or if it's about more than that like Kurama says it is, but I do think you're right that he's acting out of fear--"

"Well of course he is! The only objection he has is that we wouldn't be friends if it didn't work and that's just crap because--because--well, because I'm walking around the damn shopping district carrying your bags, Keiko. He's just a freaking coward!"

"Calling him a coward isn't going to help, Yusuke. Kurama's a strategist, remember; he doesn't run into things blind like some people I know. He weighs the pros and cons. To him, right now the risks aren't worth the potential gain."

"And you're telling me this why?"

"You have to make it worth it to him. You have to let him know you want to buy before he'll let you touch."

"Crap, Keiko, you know I wasn't listening when the teacher was talking about metaphors..."

"He's trying to shake you off--"

"It's working."

"Don't ask what I mean if you're going to interrupt, Yusuke! He's trying to shake you off because you've scared him. I don't know if it's just the thought of losing you or something else, but if I were you I would show him that I'm not scared, and not going to back off. If it's just that he doesn't want to lose you then you'll wear him down, and if there's something else going on you'll find out about it."

"... So, how'd a girl as smart as you date me for so long?"

"I ask myself that question every day, Yusuke. Can you handle another bag?"

"Bring it on."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

That night, Yusuke found himself unable to sleep. He tiptoed past his mother passed out in the living room to reach the comparatively cool night outside the stuffy apartment. When he got down to the street he looked at the motorcycle, then shrugged and headed off on foot for The Wood.

When he got there he found someone else was already there, someone standing and looking at the moon with the wind teasing long red hair that flickered silver, if Yusuke wasn't mistaken, with more than moonlight.

Show him you're not scared, Yusuke reminded himself. Show him he can't shake you off.

With a deep breath, Yusuke pushed past the greenery and strode into clearing. "Hey."

_(a/n: I know, I know, evil cliffy...)_


	7. Determination

Chapter Seven: Determination  
_A/N: I've had this chapter ready for over a week and haven't uploaded it, what's wrong with me?Sigh. Well, I know it's short and I know it's late, but I hope it's good anyway._

Kurama didn't turn to look at him. "Yusuke," he said, by way of acknowledgement.

Yusuke crossed the clearing to stand next to Kurama, shoving his hands in his pockets and ostensibly also watching the moon, but sneaking glances at his companion. "Looked like you were going Youko there for a minute."

"Isn't that what this place is for?" Kurama's tone was contemplative. "No one comes here but you and I, and occasionally Kuwabara. I can be Youko here."

"Yeah, but the thing is you usually don't _want_ to be Youko."

"Well, sometimes it's hard to resist."

"The power?" Yusuke asked, confused.

Kurama shook his head. "I've been Youko for hundreds and hundreds of years, and Shuichi for twenty. Once I acquired the ability to return to Youko's body my subconscious began yearning for the familiarity. It's hard to keep in check all the time, so every so often I let it go." Kurama glanced at Yusuke. "What did you want?"

"Whaddaya mean?" Yusuke asked, startled by Kurama's apparent switch in topic.

"You came looking for me?"

"No. I just couldn't sleep. Didn't know you were here."

Kurama turned away again. "You came looking for me on Monday. But you didn't say anything."

"So you did know I was there. I thought you were ignoring me."

Kurama studied the moon. "Have you forgiven me yet?"

Yusuke thought about the question for a minute. "I guess you could say that," he finally said. "I'm not mad at you anymore."

"Then what are you?"

"Determined."

Kurama gave Yusuke a startled glance, and Yusuke grinned. "You didn't think I was giving up, did you?"

"Yusuke--"

"Stop, I don't want to have another argument, Kurama. We already said everything we have to say. I know exactly how you feel and what you claim to want. I just reject it." He grinned again at Kurama's disbelieving expression. "So there's no need to go back over it."

"You reject it?"

"Yeah. I reject it." Yusuke took a step forward, heartened that Kurama didn't back away. He could feel his confidence returning to him, and he knew it meant he'd found the right course of action. "Thing is, Kurama, I'm not scared. I figure you are, and so you're trying to scare me off too. But it isn't gonna work. You don't scare me." Kurama scowled, and Yusuke grinned back. "You never have, you never will. I know you too well and care about you too much to ever be scared of you. And you know me too well to ever think I'd give up this easily. So what's your next move, fox?"

Kurama stared at Yusuke for a moment, with disbelief prominent on his features, before pointedly turning away. "Okay, that's cool," Yusuke said. "You can ignore me. Not gonna work, but you can try."

"Yusuke, give it up."

"No." Impishly, Yusuke decided to up the ante. Standing facing Kurama's back as he was, it was easy to step forward and wrap his arms around Kurama's waist, nuzzle his neck. "Not unless you give me a good reason to."

"How about 'I don't want this?'" Kurama asked acerbically, trying to disentangle himself.

"Liar."

Kurama's expression was as infuriated as Yusuke had ever seen it, but he didn't offer a rebuttal. Yusuke decided he was thoroughly enjoying himself, and continued to resist Kurama's attempts to squirm out of his arms. In fact, the kitsune was so distracted, that Yusuke couldn't resist and stole a quick kiss while Kurama's attention was occupied. "Yusuke!"

"Okay, I'll stop." Reluctantly, but aware from the outrage in Kurama's tone that he had better, Yusuke released his friend. "But you get the point."

"Yeah, I get the point. How did Keiko ever get rid of you?"

"I realized I wasn't in love with her. You'll have to convince me the same thing." Kurama's back was to him again, and Yusuke started gently kneading his shoulders, hoping this gesture would be accepted because it was less forward than his last. "And I take a lot of convincing."

"Yusuke, you can't possibly think you're in love with me." Kurama's tone was quiet, and he did not push Yusuke's hands away.

"I know I could be if you let me get close enough," Yusuke countered.

"A very good reason for me to keep you away," Kurama pointed out.

"And a very good reason for me to get close." Yusuke squeezed Kurama's shoulders lightly. "So. Who's stubborner, Kurama: me or you?"

"I believe," Kurama said, "that we are about to find out."

Yusuke laughed. "This is gonna be fun."

"For _you_, maybe."

"I can make it fun for you too if you let me."

"Yusuke..."

"Damn, did I just make a pass at you?" Yusuke asked with feigned innocence. "I did, didn't I?"

"You're enjoying yourself entirely too much, Yusuke."

"Well, someone's got to."

"I'm going home," Kurama announced, shrugging Yusuke's hands off his shoulders.

"See you tomorrow, then." Kurama stared at Yusuke for a minute before shaking his head in disbelief and leaving the clearing. Yusuke watched him out of sight before turning to make his own way home, still grinning and sorting through myriad plans of attack in his mind.

Starting tomorrow, he was going fox hunting--and Kurama was right. He was going to enjoy himself entirely too much.


	8. Fox Hunting

Chapter Eight: Fox Hunting

"Okay, what's going on with you and Kurama?"

"What makes you think something's going on?" Yusuke was the picture of innocence.

Which made anybody who knew him suspect him all the more. Kuwabara narrowed his eyes. "I'm not stupid, Urameshi. Kurama was just awkward in there, and Kurama's _never_ awkward. Did you two have a fight?"

They were on the steps of Genkai's temple, having been summoned there to talk to Koenma and now waiting for Kurama to finish helping Genkai with something in her garden. "No... not really."

"Well, tell me what happened!"

Yusuke shrugged. "I asked him out on a date. He turned me down."

"Oh." For a minute, Yusuke thought he was going to get away with leaving it at that, but then Kuwabara asked, "When did that happen?"

Yusuke scratched the back of his neck. "Saturday." Kuwabara nodded. "Sunday." Kuwabara's eyes narrowed again. "Monday. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday..."

"Urameshi! You're stalking Kurama!"

Yusuke grinned at Kuwabara's high-pitched squawk of outrage. "Well, Kurama's always been kind of a masochist."

"Yusuke!"

"Oh, come on, Kuwabara, I am not _stalking_ him!" Yusuke shoved his friend lightly. "We've been super close friends for years. He doesn't want me to get lost."

"Oh yeah? Then why does he keep turning you down, smart-ass?"

"'Cause he's not sure if he wants to go out with me, lame-brain. That's not the same thing as telling me to get out of his life. We're just gonna see who caves first."

"Oi, Urameshi... I think you're taking this too far." Yusuke, annoyed, was of the opinion that Kuwabara was the one taking it too far--first the outrage, and now this sudden switch to seriousness. "Kurama looks tired. Frazzled." Kuwabara pinned Yusuke with a glare. "Unhappy."

The last adjective stung a bit, but Yusuke pretended it hadn't. "If he's frazzled it's a good thing, it means I'm wearing him down."

"You'll wear him straight into a nervous breakdown."

"I'm honestly flattered that you think I could cause Kurama to have a breakdown, but I really don't think I'm anywhere near close."

"Uh-huh." Kuwabara's tone expressed his doubt of that. He studied Yusuke for a minute. "See ya."

"What?"

"There is _no way_ I'm gonna hand around and play third wheel while you try to put the moves on Kurama. And since Hiei's not coming that means I'm also out. You two have fun."

"Wait--"

"What?" Kuwabara was already halfway down the steps."

"...Nothing. Never mind. This is perfect." Yusuke grinned at Kuwabara. "Have a nice day."

"You're a real jerk, Urameshi."

"Whatever. Scram."

"If you wind up plant food don't say I didn't warn you," was Kuwabara's dire parting shot as he turned and jogged down the steps.

Yusuke stayed where he was, waiting for Kurama to catch up to him, entirely too pleased with this turn of events. It would be great to be alone with Kurama on the mission. Of course if it was actually something dangerous then he would have wanted as many fighters as he could get, but things were pretty calm these days. Either he or Kurama could have handled this one on their own, but he wasn't about to suggest.

Of course none of them technically worked for Koenma anymore, but he was still prone to turn to them--not as a crisis-prevention team, but more like intelligence agents. And he was quick these days to offer recompense for their time. Perks and gifts like Yusuke's motorcycle kept the three of them on board, but Hiei was frequently so busy with Mukuro's intrigues that he forgot Koenma already ruled hell and told him to go there.

"Where's Kuwabara?"

Yusuke turned to find Kurama coming down the steps behind him. "He split. Didn't want to do it."

Kurama frowned. "You two didn't have a fight, did you?"

Yusuke found it ironic that they both immediately asked the same thing about each other. "Nah, he just said he didn't want to watch us hitting on each other."

"Oh, Yusuke," Kurama sighed, thoroughly exasperated.

"So it's just you and me."

"In that case, we should get this over with quickly."

"C'mon, it's a weekend! Relax a little. Who wouldn't want to spend a few days in the lush tropical forests of Makai tracking down suspicious activity? It's so romantic."

"It's also the middle of winter in Makai, and midterms in two weeks. I'll go romping around with you when it's summer in both places."

"I'll remember that."

"It never happens," Kurama said, a touch smugly. He gestured. "Shall we?"

"You think you're so smart," Yusuke grumbled, starting down the steps.

"No, Yusuke, I know I'm so smart."

"Whatever."

If Kurama noticed that Yusuke was subdued as they set out, he didn't comment on it. Perhaps he was just grateful for a momentary reprieve. Yusuke, for his part, was studying Kurama, trying to see if he could see what Kuwabara had seen.

The conclusion he drew wasn't pleasant. Kurama did look somewhat haggard. It could have been from midterms approaching, but Yusuke dismissed that excuse quickly. He knew from Keiko that Kurama was sailing through college with the same ease and academic acclaim he'd handled high school. Which led all to easily to the explanation that it was Yusuke that was tiring him.

Yusuke had been enjoying himself immensely the past week. He hadn't thought he was really bothering Kurama. It was a game, a game he was going to win. He usually got the things he set his mind to, and he'd set his mind to getting Kurama; he'd assumed it was a matter of time.

Now he was having a major attitude shift, and the same panicky feeling he'd gotten in the parking lot after first kissing Kurama swooped down on him. He found himself wondering, again, if he'd screwed up their friendship--just like Kurama had warned him would happen.

His mood got even worse when they arrived in Makai and he discovered Kurama hadn't been kidding about it being winter. The temperature was freezing, there was snow on the ground and the sky looked like it was getting ready to dump another few inches down. He instantly and instinctively drew closer to Kurama, and was shrugged angrily away. "Shit, Kurama, I'm not trying to hit on you, I'm just trying to get warm," Yusuke muttered, stamping his feet.

Kurama relented immediately, looking slightly guilty. Guilty enough to put his arm over Yusuke's shoulder and draw him close. "We really should have gone home to get coats and gloves and things. I didn't think about it, I used to have fur."

"Well, too late now," Yusuke said, not so subdued that he wouldn't take advantage of the situation by wrapping his own arm around Kurama's waist. "When's Koenma setting up the portal to get us back?"

"Tomorrow morning." Yusuke groaned. "Don't worry, there's a village pretty close by. We can spend the night in an inn or something."

"Do we get to share a room?"

"Yusuke." Yusuke deflated slightly again. Kurama wasn't even bothering with comebacks anymore, just that weary sigh, for the last few days. "Let's go. The sooner we find them, the sooner we can get out of the cold."

A smart-ass remark instantly came to Yusuke's mind, something about how cold meant cuddling and so they should stay out in for as long as possible. But out of character for him, he didn't say it. Instead, he simply said, "Works for me." And he kept the rest of the myriad come-ons that came into his mind to himself as well as they set off through the snow, heads down against the wind.

_A/N: The next chapter may be a little late in the coming, because the shit's gonna start to hit the fan and I'm not one hundred percent sure how I'm gonna handle it. Stick with me. :) _


	9. Warming Up

_A/N: I'll have you all know that I made myself seriously late to work finishing this up for you, because I know you've been waiting a long time, and because this is the chapter the entire story grew up around in my head so I'm excited. Hope you enjoy. Oh, and warning, this chapter's M. _

Chapter Nine: Warming Up

"I'm just saying, why can't anything _ever_ go right?"

"Well... I suppose we might get bored."

They were leaning heavily on each other as they stumbled through the snow, no longer concerned with who was touching who where, because it was too cold for either of them to care. "Okay, so here's a thought," Yusuke said. "As long as we're not being bored and things are not going well, why don't we just go into town and blow everything to hell and be _warm_?"

"Yusuke, please; trust me," Kurama sighed. "Do you _want_ another demon to stalk you like Toguro?"

"None of them was a Toguro," Yusuke muttered rebelliously, even though he knew Kurama was right.

"You never know who people are friends with. But more importantly, we're supposed to be keeping our heads down. You can't do things all flash and bang like you used to."

Yusuke didn't respond, because he knew that Kurama was right and hated it. And also because Kurama was graciously not rubbing in the fact that it had been Yusuke's stupid, over-confident blunder that had caused the demons they were spying on to notice them--the end result of which was the two of them now slogging through the snow. Yusuke had been all for going in and having a fight once they'd been discovered, but Kurama reminded him that their purpose was espionage and that things would become very difficult, both for Koenma and for Yusuke himself, if it was generally known that Yusuke was still working for him. It was better all around to not get involved.

But not getting involved meant not going into town, where the demons they'd startled would inevitably be hunting for them. It meant they had to take a pass on that cozy inn Yusuke had been looking forward to, even had to take a pass on creating a fire that might alert their pursuers, and instead were heading for vague memories Kurama had of a lair used by some of his fellow thieves. The lair might or might not have food and blankets in it; it also might or might not still exist.

Yusuke wasn't sure what the plan was going to be if it didn't exist, but his toes were already numb, and his fingers were starting to follow. If they didn't find something soon he was going to start a fire so big Enma would see it, and to hell with the consequences. Freezing to death for the sake of discretion was not among the things he was willing to do for Koenma.

On top of Yusuke's irritation with himself and the world in general, he was worried about Kurama. The fox did not seem to be himself. It wasn't that he was quiet in comparison to Yusuke's vociferous complaints, for that was normal. Kurama seemed disoriented somehow, unsettled. Upset in a way that didn't have anything to do with the cold or having to run away. And adding to Yusuke's worry was the fact that Kurama's pale skin was becoming blue-tinged, and he was stumbling more and more frequently.

Yusuke was beginning to wonder whether or not Kurama was too disoriented to actually find this old lair, and if he had better just start setting things on fire, when Kurama suddenly pointed. "Under that tree."

It took digging through the snow with their bare hands, and Yusuke bidding a fond farewell to the feeling in his fingertips, but they located the entrance tunnel fairly quickly. It was tall enough that Yusuke didn't quite have to get onto his hands and knees, but not tall enough to stand upright, so he sort of crouched as he followed Kurama underground. "Tell me that it gets taller than this," he said, starting to feel claustrophobic.

"It's just like a small room," Kurama reassured him. "It's not too much farther." Yusuke didn't ask for further coddling, but he was not very reassured. Going further and further underground in nothing but a small dirt tunnel didn't exactly feel right--well, to him it didn't feel right, but he supposed to the kitsune it was second nature, probably even comforting. Yusuke wouldn't detract from that feeling.

But he was still relieved beyond measure when he saw Kurama straighten up in front of him. A moment later Yusuke, too, could stand and look around.

He felt Kurama had been overly charitable in calling their current enclosure a room. There were no furnishings of any kind, just hard packed dirt and roots hanging from the ceiling, and it was so small that if the full compliment of their team had been there they would not have had much room to move. But still, it was much warmer down here, especially without the wind, and there was a puddle of dirty fabric over to one side. Yusuke poked at it. "Hey, we have a blanket."

Kurama came over and shook the fabric out--it was heavy, and large, but it was the only one. "Well, one is better than nothing." He shook it again, getting most but not all of the dirt out, and draped it over Yusuke's shoulders. "I'm going to block up the entrance."

"Wha--" Yusuke was about to protest, visions of being buried alive filling his head, but he stopped when a lush layer of vines began growing over the entrance. "Oh."

"Insulation," Kurama explained. "And if anything tries to get through them I'll know."

Yusuke held out one arm, with most of the blanket draped over it. "Don't make me hunt you, Kurama," he warned.

"Don't be ridiculous," Kurama replied, without acrimony. "I won't deny you body heat."

"Good," Yusuke muttered as Kurama slipped under his arm. He wrapped both his arms and the blanket around Kurama, and cursed soundly at the irony of life. There he was, cuddled up under a blanket with the object of his affection, and he was too cold to enjoy it and too concerned with keeping Kurama's friendship to enjoy it even if he had been warm. What a mess.

He didn't reflect on the mess long, though, as he was starting to become genuinely concerned for Kurama. There was no doubt now that the kitsune was quite blue in the skin, and shivering convulsively. Yusuke gently maneuvered them into a reclining position, wrapped the blanket tighter, and then began rubbing Kurama's back and arms to try to get some warmth back into them.

Kurama swore softly, and moved away. "Your hands are freezing," he complained through chattering teeth.

"Sorry," Yusuke said, flushing, realizing he'd rubbed still numb fingertips over Kurama's bare arms.

Kurama didn't say anything, simply moved closer and took one of Yusuke's hands in both of his own, chafing it gently to bring them both some much-needed thawing.

"There--I feel better already," Yusuke remarked. It was true--being out of the wind and the snow was helping immensely, and the insulation of Kurama's plants growing around the chamber was turning out to be a big improvement also. The night was shaping up to be much less cold than he'd feared.

Kurama still didn't say anything, though, just continued rubbing Yusuke's hand between his own. After a moment he raised it to his mouth and blew on it to continue warming it.

Yusuke instantly flushed dark. He had felt Kurama's lips graze against his skin, and the sudden effect on his libido was immeasurable. _I am not going to take advantage of the situation_, he reminded himself firmly. _He's trapped here, he can't escape. I will not lose his friendship. It isn't fair to him. Repeat: I am not going to take advantage of the situation..._

Kurama's lips brushed his skin again and Kurama continued blowing his warm breath onto Yusuke's hands, massaging the feeling back into his fingertips. Yusuke prayed that he would stop. Couldn't he feel how rigid and tense Yusuke had become? Maybe he figured it was just from the cold... or hell, maybe this was payback. Even though it would have been pretty low to tease Yusuke when they were trapped like this, Yusuke would have to admit that he'd earned it.

Then Kurama's lips touched Yusuke a third time, not really so much a graze as a deliberate touch, and Yusuke began to wonder if he wasn't teasing.

Yusuke remained silent, still pretending he hadn't noticed. Kurama was also silent, no longer quite chafing Yusuke's hand but rubbing it, caressing it almost. Then he raised Yusuke's hand to his mouth again and Yusuke's breath hitched, because there was no denying this time that Kurama had kissed his fingers.

Afraid to break whatever mood had taken the kitsune Yusuke still remained silent, not quite able to breathe, as Kurama pressed gentle kisses along his palm and fingers. After a minute of this non-reaction, Kurama looked up at him, his expression gently confused and inquisitive.

Yusuke scrambled for something to say. "Are--I thought you didn't--" Eloquent, as usual.

"I changed my mind."

Yusuke could only think of one thing to say. "Why?"

Kurama looked at him without responding for a moment. He almost seemed sad. It was like there was some sort of tension between them and Kurama accepted it, but Yusuke didn't even know what it was, much less where it came from. "You'll think it's silly," he finally said. "I guess it's because we haven't been on a mission in awhile. But I forgot how easily one of us could die."

Yusuke was a little stupefied, and it must have shown on his face. "Yusuke--I'm tired." There was a slight edge to Kurama's voice. "I'm tired of fighting you. I'm tired of all of this. I've told you how I feel, and you've told me how you feel about how I feel, and I'm just too tired to fight you anymore. You win. Just let it go." And he kissed Yusuke.

A small portion of Yusuke rebelled, complaining _Exhausted defeat was not what I wanted_. But he was a teenage boy, and the object of his intense physical and emotional desire was kissing him, and he didn't stop to listen to that small voice. He kissed back.

The silence was surreal. Everytime he kissed Kurama it was different from what he expected, and this time was no exception. Kurama kissed deeply, his icy fingers knit into Yusuke's hair. Neither of them seemed to dare to break the silent spell with anything more than the heaviness of their breathing. Yusuke tried to express tenderness without words, holding Kurama closely and rubbing his back gently. Kurama's lips wandered away from Yusuke's mouth to graze over his cheek, his jaw, and his neck. When Yusuke returned the gesture, Kurama's breath hitched and he made a small noise.

His control rapidly disintegrating, Yusuke bit down on Kurama's neck, not gently. Kurama made another soft, whimpering sort of noise, and then with his arms still around Yusuke's neck he gently lowered himself onto his back, pulling Yusuke over him.

_So this is how it's going to be,_ Yusuke thought dizzily, straddling Kurama as he continued to bite and kiss at his neck. Kurama was willing to submit. Wanted to submit. Yusuke wondered briefly it he had passed out from the cold and was having a dream, but if he'd been dreaming surely he would have had the sense to give them a nicer blanket and a bigger room. Still, Kurama's labored breathing and his fingers hurriedly working their way through the fastenings to Yusuke's shirt were exactly as Yusuke would have dreamed them. Yusuke didn't protest as his shirt was cast aside. He realized that he had no protest to offer; he would let this go as far as Kurama was willing to take it. It felt right, and he'd been waiting for too long.

Kurama seemed frenzied, somehow. Not out of control--but adamant, quietly insistent, like he wouldn't have been willing to stop. For someone who'd been so firm in the rejection of his advances thus far it was unnerving, and Yusuke murmured, "Kurama, are you sure?" in his ear.

"Yes," Kurama replied, without hesitation. Then, "Don't stop."

Yusuke didn't stop.

He didn't stop to the extent that he soon found himself throwing the blanket off and spreading it out on the ground so there would be a barrier between the cold dirt and Kurama's skin. They didn't need it for warmth anymore anyway; they were creating quite enough of their own. The other boy's body was more beautiful than Yusuke could comprehend. And the scent of Kurama's arousal was driving him to distraction, the miracle of Kurama giving this to him rapidly stripping away all sanity. Every touch, every bite, every caress drove him farther and farther into a land where pleasure was everything and nothing but the pursuit of more existed.

When Yusuke's fingers scrabbled at the waistband of Kurama's jeans Kurama lifted his hips, even though Yusuke was still astride him, just far enough off the ground for Yusuke to finish undressing him. After that if Yusuke had any thought beyond _oh god good more_ it was of trying not to hurt Kurama. He slowed when Kurama made a tiny noise of pain, and continued when Kurama's fingers dug into his hips in entreaty, and then he wasn't even thinking of not hurting his partner because he couldn't think of anything.

Afterwards they neglected to put their clothes back on, since they were much colder than their bodies now anyway, and just rolled the blanket around them both. For the longest time Yusuke existed in a glorious haze, unable to think too far past _Damn--that really is all it's cracked up to be._ But gradually he became aware that Kurama was still silent, had not spoken in a long time, and it began to make him nervous. "Kurama?" he ventured hesitantly.

"Mm?"

"Are you... alright?"

"Mm-hm."

"Are you happy?"

"Yes."

Yusuke was perplexed. Kurama sounded so matter of fact about it. He didn't seem distressed, but clearly he wasn't as overwhelmed with pleasure as Yusuke was. Cautiously, unsure of where they now stood, Yusuke ran his hand through Kurama's hair.

Kurama's response was to settle more comfortably against Yusuke. "I'm tired," he said quietly. "I think we should get some sleep."

"...Okay."

Deciding that he had won the battle but not yet won the war, Yusuke settled back to sleep with his arms tight around Kurama, hoping the physical binding would help him to truly capture and keep the elusive fox.


	10. Caring

Chapter Ten: Caring  


_A/N: I couldn't quite get this chapter to a point that I was happy with it, but I figure two months is enough time to keep you waiting for an update.Sorry if any of you are getting disappointed by the lack of lemony goodness in this--I didn't intend to keep glossing over sex, but I'm finding that anything with more than a whiff of citrus feels out-of-place in this story. If you're truly feeling smut-deprived, there's links on my profile to some more X-rated Y/K I've written. _

Yusuke woke earlier than Kurama the next morning. His dreams, though vague, had been filled with such a real distress that his first action on waking was to pull Kurama closer to him. He didn't know where Kurama could have possibly gone, what space he might have attempted to reclaim in this little cave, but he was nonetheless relieved to find him still in his arms.

Since Kurama had said he was tired last night, Yusuke decided to wait for him to waken on his own. He used the time to revel in their closeness, and pretend everything was perfect. It wasn't too hard a task. Their first time has been utterly amazing sex; there was no ifs, ands, or buts about that. The only thing he had to do to make it perfect in his mind was edit out the odd, acknowledged but undiscussed tension; the sense that Kurama had been checkmated rather than willingly surrendering... okay, edit that out and add a warm fireplace and maybe a bearskin rug. That would make it perfect.

But the reality wasn't half bad. Lying here, skin to skin with Kurama with the fox's head nestled against his neck, just watching him sleep. Seeing someone sleep, Yusuke realized, was an intimacy. And Kurama was so rarely relaxed--he was frequently calm, but he was always doing something, working on some project, at the very least thinking deeper and wiser thoughts than Yusuke could even guess at. Watching him sleep, seeing him completely at rest and unguarded was... nice.

Yusuke guessed it was at least a few hours between the time he woke up and the time Kurama did. He dozed a little bit, trying not to move for fear of waking his companion, and didn't think very much. When Kurama did finally stir, Yusuke greeted him with a kiss before Kurama had time to do much more than blink his eyes.

Kurama returned the kiss, perfectly relaxed in Yusuke's embrace, but did not return the smile. Instead he just looked at Yusuke, a regard that was gentle and friendly yet somehow studious. Doing exactly what Yusuke was doing--trying to figure out where they stood now.

Neither of them seemed to draw any conclusions. "What time is it?" Kurama finally asked.

Yusuke shrugged. "Hell if I know."

"You're wearing a watch."

"You mean I _was_ wearing a watch."

"... Oh." Kurama did smile then, a small mischievous smile, as he sat up and looked around. He finally located Yusuke's watch somewhere in the vicinity of his own slacks, where they had both landed after hasty removal the night before. He picked it up and checked it, and the smile immediately vanished.

"What?"

"It's past noon. We've definitely missed Koenma's portal."

"Oh well." Yusuke stretched, completely unconcerned. "So what do you say to the original plan of a romantic weekend in Makai, then?"

"The same thing I said last time: it's the middle of winter, and I have midterms. In addition, we're basically in a hole in the ground and both in desperate need of a shower. So thank you, but no."

None of this was said with the slightest amount of asperity, so Yusuke just smiled and reached for the nearest article of clothing that was his. "Guess we'll just have to schlep back ourselves, then."

"Guess so."

Getting dressed involved a little bit of jostling and laughing, as there was barely room for both of them to be in motion at the same time. Yusuke was relieved to find the tension at a minimal level. Kurama seemed to be silently acknowledging and accepting their transition from friends to lovers.

Yusuke's mood was so lifted by this that it remained good in spite of the fact that it took nearly the full remainder of the day to find a way back into Ningenkai. He reverted right back to teasing and groping Kurama had every opportunity, too happy to stop himself, and Kurama bore it good-naturedly and did not try to deflect Yusuke's wandering hands.

When they finally did manage to get back to human world it was to find a very irritated Kuwabara waiting for them, worried and ready to go hunting for them if they hadn't shown up by nightfall. He seemed ready to give a lecture, but then he took a second look at the location of Yusuke's hand (which was not _quite_ on Kurama's waist) and took off as quickly as if an entire cloud of Makai insects was chasing him. Kurama chuckled, which Yusuke considered a signal that making their friends uncomfortable was fair game, and instantly began plotting ways to do so. Shizuru would probably be unflappable, but her brother and Botan would definitely provide their share of amusements. Yukina and Keiko would just be happy for them, so again not much fun, and Hiei--

Well, Hiei would just have to have it made perfectly clear to him that he was no longer the object of Kurama's affection. Yusuke would be happy to make that communication. And perhaps remind Hiei who had been the victor every time they'd fought. He didn't know why he suddenly found himself so jealous of Hiei--though a suspicion that Kurama hadn't been this aloof with _him_ might have been part of it--but even though he was relatively certain that Hiei's attachment to Mukuro was for real, he wasn't going to take any chances.

It was well past nightfall when they finally reached the city. Kurama invited Yusuke to spend the night at his apartment, rather than disturb his mother by entering their apartment so late, with an ease which surprised and pleased Yusuke. He chose not to mention that if his mother was home she was probably in a drunken stupor and nothing short of a bomb would disturb her.

Once inside Kurama told Yusuke he was welcome to make himself at home, but that he would have to excuse Kurama's rudeness in not being able to wait a second longer for a shower. Yusuke supposed that a great deal of dirt had found its way into that red mane during last night's exertions, and only smiled in a smug sort of way as he kicked back on the couch.

But the second the heard the water turn on all thought but that of Kurama standing naked under the spray vacated his head. His natural instinct was to follow up by discovering how true to life his mental image was, but he remained on the couch for another ten minutes, torn by indecision. He was positive that he had nearly lost Kurama by pursuing him so determinedly, and that it was only a stroke of undeserved luck that Kurama had gotten spooked on the mission and turned to him for comfort. He didn't want to push their new intimacy too hard.

On the other hand, he was again finding himself at the mercy of his hormones. Knowing Kurama was naked, wet, and ten feet away made it damned near impossible to think of anything but joining him, and it also made certain articles of clothing rather tight.

In the end, and rather predictably, the hormones won out. Reasoning that now was as good a time as any to find out exactly how they stood, Yusuke jumped off the couch and went straight to the bathroom.

The glass in the shower door was frosted, so Yusuke couldn't quite see Kurama's expression as the kitsune turned to him, but he could guess--mildly amused inquiry, head cocked to one side, one eyebrow raised. "You did say we were both in pretty bad need of a shower," Yusuke said, shrugging out of his clothes.

"So I did." Kurama's tone was definitely amused. "And I suppose we shouldn't waste water." Now he was teasing.

But teasing aside, he opened the shower door, indicating it was alright for Yusuke to join him, which Yusuke did rapidly. And then found out he had no idea what to do next.

After a rather awkward moment or two, Kurama gently worked one hand into Yusuke's hair and tugged him forward to stand under the spray, smiling. He poured shampoo into his hands and then stepped forward to work it into Yusuke's hair, and as he stepped forward he kissed Yusuke, gently and sensually.

The tension flew out of Yusuke's shoulders as he returned the kiss, wrapping his arms around Kurama's waist. The kisses quickly grew longer and deeper, and when Yusuke finally pulled back it was with every intention of gently pressing Kurama against the wall--and was surprised to find Kurama doing the exact same thing to him.

This was new but not disagreeable, and Yusuke found himself more than willing to surrender the reins if Kurama wanted to switch roles, curious even. So he let Kurama's hands and murmured words guide him into a position that wouldn't lead to either of them slipping and breaking their necks, nervous, but not as nervous as he had been last night. Kurama, however, knew exactly how to make Yusuke forget that he even had a brain to be nervous with. _God... maybe I should always let him take the lead... or maybe he can teach me how to do that, even better..._

Of course, nothing was ever perfect; last night there had been entirely too much dirt, and this time the water was lukewarm threatening on cold by the time they turned it off. Yusuke felt a little sore, which troubled him because he knew Kurama had been gentler with him than he had been with Kurama. But there was nothing he could do about that now, so he tried to put it out of his mind as he toweled off. Kurama draped a towel over the pillow to protect it from his hair, which Yusuke found entirely too endearing, and then gave Yusuke an expectant look that let him know he was supposed to join Kurama in bed.

Yusuke lay down next to him with a feeling of utmost satisfaction, exhausted and happy and ready to cuddle. But after no more than a quick kiss Kurama settled down with his back turned to Yusuke. It didn't feel like a cold gesture; it couldn't be meant that way, Kurama hadn't been acting cold to him. But it still sent Yusuke straight back to confused, and a little peeved that everything he thought he knew where they were, Kurama changed things.

And yeah, he had to admit it, it made him unhappy. He knew after sex in the shower and being invited to bed he shouldn't be complaining, but... "Kurama?"

"Hm?"

Yusuke found he didn't know what to say. Kurama turned to face him, propping himself up on one elbow. "What is it?"

"... I don't know."

"I'm tired, Yusuke," Kurama said gently. "I need to sleep." He kissed Yusuke's forehead, and then he lay down, again facing away from him.

Yusuke hesitated for a moment, still discontent. He decided to try again, but without words. He moved closer to Kurama, and tried to somehow get an arm around him; it only took a little awkward maneuvering before Kurama turned of his own volition and settled into the crook of Yusuke's arm like he had the night before. He didn't smile, but he didn't hesitate either, he just did it. And even though Yusuke was much more comfortable now, he couldn't shake a little niggling feeling in the back of his mind that this wasn't how it was supposed to be.

It was almost like Kurama didn't care.


	11. Cat and Canary

A/N: Eh... heh... I really thought I'd uploaded this chapter when I finished it a week ago... sorry about that. :) 

Chapter Eleven: Cat and Canary

Yusuke woke up when the room was still dark, to the disagreeable absence of his bedmate and the muffled sounds of someone moving around the room; but he was so disoriented from sleep that it took him several minutes to connect the two things. When he finally did he propped himself up on his elbows, squinting into the darkness.

Almost before he had finished moving Kurama was next to him, gently pressing him back down. "Shh," he whispered soothingly. "It's still early. I have to go to school, but you should go back to sleep." He kissed Yusuke's forehead and quietly repeated the admonition to sleep; Yusuke, secure in the knowledge that Kurama had a good reason for leaving him, decided this was excellent advice and was dead to the world again before Kurama had actually left the room.

The second time he woke up it was well into morning and sunlight was streaming through the window, except where it was blocked by someone's silhouette, and said someone was laughing at him. Yusuke knew that laugh very well, and he chucked a pillow in the direction it came from before even sitting up. "What're you doing here?" he grumped.

The pillow was easily deflected. "I might ask you the same."

"Sleeping, what the hell does it look like?"

"And your clothes are..."

"Somewhere else," Yusuke answered, sitting up fully and glaring at the individual he was increasingly coming to view as a rival. "Do you have a problem with that?"

Hiei only grinned, entirely too amused for Yusuke's taste, and declined to answer. Yusuke's irritation with him grew. "You didn't answer me; what are you doing hanging around here?"

"It's Kurama's home, detective, not yours," Hiei replied mildly. "He's given me to understand that I'm welcome to come and go as I please. Do _you_ have a problem with that?"

_Absolutely_, Yusuke growled mentally. Out loud, he said, "Don't be stupid. You just startled me, is all." He glanced at the clock and swore softly. "Hiei, get out of here so I can find my clothes, I'm gonna be late for work."

Hiei only continued to sit in the windowsill and grin at him. Yusuke was getting an increasingly uncontrollable urge to wipe that grin off his face. Why should Hiei find it so amusing that Kurama was sleeping with someone else now? Hiei certainly was. And now Yusuke was going to have to put up with the thought that Kurama's ex-lover might pop in and out of the apartment anytime he chose to--yeah, that's be great for this little jealousy problem he was having, no sweat. "Hiei, I mean it."

With an air suggesting that he was doing a very great favor, Hiei finally turned his back. Yusuke stumbled out of the bed and into the bathroom, where he found his clothes right where he'd discarded them last night. They were still pretty caked with dirt but as he had nothing else to put on, he shrugged back into them. He briefly thought about trying to tame his hair, but he was already running late, and he was a bit hesitant to go pawing through Kurama's things, especially where that long, beautiful mane of hair was concerned.

Of course, there were complications to every decision. "You do realize that your hair is standing on end, don't you?"

"_You_ should talk," Yusuke muttered, extremely annoyed that Hiei had followed him. Nevertheless, he ran his hands through his hair a few times, trying to get it to lie down. "Your hair has its own anti-gravity unit."

"And I don't feel the need to plaster it down with some sort of disgusting gel, either."

_I should bring some of that over here, come to think of it; hopefully there's going to be more mornings like this, and I really hate having my hair go crazy._ "Hiei, do you have a reason for being here or did you just come to throw insults at me?"

"I came to borrow something, detective. I didn't even know _you_ would be here."

And it suddenly occurred to Yusuke, in that moment, that perhaps Hiei was a little jealous of him too. "Well, it's none of your business if I am. You're not Kurama's keeper, and he's allowed to sleep with anyone he wants to." There; he'd said it. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I really am late now."

He brushed past Hiei but didn't get very far before Hiei's voice stopped him. "Yusuke."

Noting the use of his first name, and the suddenly less combative tone, Yusuke turned around and found Hiei regarding him seriously. "Don't hurt him."

Jealousy went straight into anger. "Who the hell are _you_ to tell me not to hurt him?"

"Someone who regrets having done so."

Yusuke's anger melted as quickly as it had built up. Hiei was in earnest. "Yeah.. you know, you haven't made this exactly easy on me. He's not in a hurry to date another friend."

Hiei shrugged. "I'm not at all certain he should. But as you said, I'm not his keeper. Just be aware that if you hurt him I will hurt you."

_I am never going to understand these two and their relationship as long as I live. _"Yeah. Listen, Hiei, it's been nice being threatened by you and all, but I've gotta run."

He heard Hiei's dismissive snort as he dashed off again, but the fire demon didn't follow him this time, so Yusuke guessed he felt that he'd made enough of a threat. Really, though, where Hiei got the nerve to tell him not to hurt Kurama...

Yusuke was nearly out the door when he stopped and backtracked, realizing Kurama had left something on the hallway table for him. It was a brief note asking him to lock up when he left--and a key with which to do so.

Yusuke whistled softly. A key?

For one brief moment, he had a crazy urge to go back and show Hiei that he, too, had a right to be here whenever he wanted to; but he recognized that impulse as a product of jealousy and dismissed it as such, instead just using the key to lock up as Kurama'd requested before starting to run to work.

He ran at a speed that got him looks from the passers-by, but after all the running around after crazy old monks he'd done in Makai he barely noticed he _was_ running. Paying no attention to the stares, he allowed his mind to wander as he ran. Kurama had given him a key to his apartment... that was huge, wasn't it? It meant he trusted him, of course, but Yusuke'd already known that; what it really meant was that Kurama wanted him to be there, whenever he wanted to. That he didn't feel the need to protect his privacy from Yusuke. _Hot damn._

Yusuke sailed into work with one minute to spare, triumphantly touching down like a runner who's just gotten to home base, and swung into the kitchen prepared to wish every customer a happy day, week, and rest of their lives. The Yukumuras just smiled back at his exuberance, but when Keiko briefly emerged from her room to grab something to eat she took one look at him and said, "What happened?"

"Who says anything happened?" Yusuke had every intention of telling her, of course, but he wanted to prolong the pleasure of the telling.

"Yusuke, you're practically dancing. And I know that self-satisfied look--you look like the cat who caught the canary."

Thinking about Kurama's fox form, and how he himself was the one whose emotions were continually deepening, Yusuke replied, "More like the canary who's been caught."

Keiko raised her eyebrows. "But doesn't the cat _eat_ the canary once it's been caught? What are you so happy about?"

Grinning, Yusuke couldn't help continuing the wordplay a bit longer. "Let's just say I've been outfoxed."

Keiko caught onto his word choice immediately. "Not by any silver haired fox I know?"

"'Course not," Yusuke scoffed. "It was the redhead." _Come to think of it... I wonder what it would be like to sleep with Youko? I have a pretty good hunch who would be on top..._

"And what exactly did that redhead _do_ with you?"

Keiko looked like she already knew the answer, so Yusuke only winked at her. "Awe, c'mon Keiko, you don't want details do you?"

"I'm beginning to think I don't," she said firmly. Nevertheless, she smiled at him. "Congrats. I _told_ you persistence would pay off with him."

"Yeah, yeah, go taking credit for all my hard work." Yusuke thought about it for a minute. "But you know, I guess since you did help me it's my turn to set you up now."

Leaning close enough to him that they couldn't be overheard, Keiko said, "Given the number of blood-thirsty demons you know, Yusuke, I think I'm going to say thanks but no thanks to that offer." And smiling to show she meant no offense, she gathered her lunch together and went back upstairs to continue studying.

Yusuke continued working in a good mood until his shift was nearly over and the customers had slowed to a trickle; then he begged off early so that he could go pick Kurama up from school, and the Yukimuras agreed. He pulled into the university parking lot just in time to see another situation of the type that had started this whole thing shaping up--Kurama, standing with his back against a wall, trying and failing to politely escape the attention of several of his classmates, of both genders. But this time, Yusuke was in a position to do something about it. Smiling grimly, he stalked forward.

Kurama sensed his approach and turned to greet him, but before he could say anything Yusuke planted a big kiss on him--more for effect than for pleasure, though it certainly didn't lack in pleasure. When he drew back he did so very briefly, with one hand on Kurama's waist and the other in his hair, waiting just long enough to murmur "Hi, koi," before going in for another, longer, kiss. _That ought to do it._

The five students gathered around Kurama were watching them both with a mixture of shock and bitter disappointment. Kurama, trying not to laugh at Yusuke's antics, managed to make an introduction and Yusuke had the pleasure of seeing a few sets of eyes grow wide at hearing his name--apparently he still had a pretty bad rep as a street fighter. Well, the more frightened they were of him, the better. He stood there with his arm around Kurama, staring at the others defiantly, and suddenly they all had to get to their next class or catch the bus.

"That wasn't very nice," Kurama commented as the last of the girls' ponytails faded into the crowd.

"Who ever said I was nice? I'm a mean, nasty demon, and you're a sweet wonderful demon and they can't have you. Give me a real kiss this time."

Kurama gave him a short, sweet kiss that ended entirely too soon for Yusuke's tastes, and put up a hand to keep him back when Yusuke tried for a longer one. "Yusuke, I'm not going to stand around in the middle of campus and make out with you."

"Damn. No reason to stay here, then," Yusuke concluded, turning them towards the parking lot.

"You are the definition of incorrigible," Kurama said with a sigh, but he sounded fond. "Did you get some more sleep this morning?"

"Yeah, until old three-eyes woke me up," Yusuke grumbled, feeling sour as he remembered it.

"What did he want?"

"To make fun of me, I guess. I don't know. He was just hanging around your apartment like he had every right to be there."

"Well, I _do_ tell him to just drop by whenever he wishes."

"Why?" Before Kurama could answer, Yusuke added, "I know, I know I sound super-jealous right now; I know he's still your friend and everything. But why does he get to wander in and out of your home whenever he wants to?"

Kurama shrugged. Then, gently, he said, "Where else is he going to go?"

Yusuke was struck by his inability to answer. He himself was probably Hiei's closest friend after Kurama, and he certainly had never invited Hiei to stay at his place. He knew better, too, to think that Hiei would be comfortable at Genkai's temple, so close to his sister, and he could think of no place else in human world that Hiei might go, might rest or relax or spend the night--except to Kurama.

"Hiei started staying with me years ago, long before we were lovers," Kurama continued, seeing that Yusuke had understood his point. "I didn't feel right taking that away from him. I didn't want to."

"Yeah, okay," Yusuke muttered. "I guess it's not my business anyway. But it _is_ gonna be awkward if we're both there all the time."

"Hiei's not a fan of awkward; I imagine he'll stay away." Kurama frowned slightly at that, as though worried.

"Hey, don't worry about him, I'm sure he can take care of himself," Yusuke said, with less concern than he felt. "Besides, it's not like I'll be living there, I do have my own place."

Yusuke had rather hoped Kurama would say something about wanting him to come over frequently, but Kurama only nodded, seeming to still be lost in thought. _Ah, well; can't have everything_, Yusuke told himself, and continued walking Kurama to the parking lot.


	12. Walls

_A/N: Meh! What a mother of a chapter... long angsty conversations are freaking hard, I hope this turned out okay. We're skipping a little time here, but trust me, nothing happened. :) Something of a cliffie at the end of this chapter, but we are starting to wind towards the end here. _

Chapter Twelve: Walls

Over the next month or so, life settled quickly into a routine.

The vast majority of Yusuke's spare time was spent with Kurama. Sometimes they went out together or fought in The Wood, but more often than not they would stick to Kurama's apartment, talking or watching a movie or theoretically doing either while in fact making out. Once or twice a week Yusuke would stay the night.

These nights were entirely of his own choosing. Kurama had issued a blanket invitation to Yusuke to stay whenever he pleased, and since then had never indicated too much desire one way or the other on any given night. He regarded Yusuke's presence with complaisance, and so Yusuke was not shy about using the key he'd been given, feeling an urge to invade Kurama's physical space that he knew, when you came right down to it, had nothing to actually do with the physical.

Hiei turned out not to be an issue. He was never there when Yusuke was, although a lingering scent of fiery power let Yusuke know Hiei hadn't completely forsaken the apartment; he was simply, as Kurama had predicted, scrupulously avoiding Yusuke and any potentially awkward situations. Had Yusuke not considered Hiei a friend his jealousy might have persisted, but as it was it faded quickly, to be replaced by the wish that he could go to Hiei for advice. He often found himself thinking about Hiei's warning: Don't hurt him. Don't hurt him, or I will hurt you.

_But what if it's the other way around, Hiei? What if Kurama's hurting me? What then?_

He didn't ask, because he suspected he already knew what Hiei would say: that he shouldn't have gotten himself into this situation in the first place. Which wasn't what he wanted to hear, anymore than he had wanted to hear Kurama's reply when, after a week or so, Yusuke had casually mentioned the feeling that Kurama was not really letting him get close, was only putting up a facade of a relationship. "Yusuke, you know how I feel about this, and you chose to pursue me," Kurama had replied with his usual gentleness. "Everything I told you that night is still true. You remember, don't you?"

Yusuke remembered far too well. _I'm not prepared to love you_, Kurama'd said. _I can try, but I don't expect to succeed, and it will end badly. Don't make me put you through that. _

An intelligent person would have ended it right then, would have walked away. But Yusuke wasn't intelligent; he was, as Kurama had pointed out on many occasions, incorrigible once he had decided what he wanted. But more than that, he also worked off his instincts, and his instincts were telling him that there was still a chance he could win. That what Kurama was showing him, this lack of caring, was not real. He knew Kurama well enough to recognize a wall when he saw it.

The question was what breaking it down would reveal. That, and if he could survive the hurt of Kurama pulling away from him for long enough to find out. It wasn't a physical distance; it wasn't even verbal. Kurama gave him every outside indication of acceptance and affection; he always seemed happy to see Yusuke, and never told him to leave even though Yusuke knew all too well that he was clinging to the fox, smothering him--and it was so unlike Kurama to allow such a thing. He never denied a kiss or caress that Yusuke gave any indication he wanted; nor did he ever deny Yusuke sex, or fail to sometimes initiate it. Yusuke found in their encounters that he was falling more and more into the role of seme simply because he wanted so much to take from Kurama--to take what he seemed unable or unwilling to give. He wanted desperately to possess some part of him, own and influence him in some way, even if it was this--and Kurama, of course, never objected. To anything.

But while his smiles were warm, and his touch caring, his eyes were often turned inward, slightly unfocused. Yusuke had never felt so alienated from Kurama in his life, and the irony did not escape him. Disregarding the fox's tendency to play down his own injuries, Kurama had never from the day they met tried to block Yusuke from knowing what he was thinking. And now that they were lovers, there was a subtle difference in Kurama's energy-- it was again like a wall, a wall that had begun to be built that first night in Makai and was growing thicker and stronger every day. A wall that Yusuke would have dearly loved to blast into oblivion if he wasn't so afraid of hurting the person sheltering behind it.

But eventually, his own hurt won out.

It took time. It took many weeks of bewilderment, of learning to stay on his toes, to quickly adapt to whatever signals he thought Kurama might have been sending. It took realizing how much he depended on the few _real_ moments that Kurama gave him, the rare times that those green eyes would be genuinely focused on him, realizing how he seized this moments and hoarded the memory of them to himself obsessively. It took Keiko and Kuwabara's concern for him, and even their growing animosity towards Kurama, which Yusuke tried desperately to fend off. It took the realization that Yusuke felt more welcomed and loved by Shiori, on the frequent occasions he was invited to her house, than he did by her son.

But finally, all of that together made Yusuke come to the conclusion that nothing Kurama could say to him would be worse than this. So he found himself sitting on the steps outside Kurama's apartment one chilly afternoon, waiting tensely for him to come home. Normally he would have waited inside, but being alone in Kurama's apartment seemed way too much like a metaphor for everything that was wrong in his life--all the comforts he could possibly ask for, and no Kurama. So even when a slight drizzle started up he remained on the steps, tugging his jacket around himself.

Kurama was later by nearly an hour than Yusuke had expected him to come home from school; when he did show up, he looked at Yusuke with a puzzled expression. "Yusuke? Did you lose your key?" Yusuke shook his head slightly. "What's going on?"

Yusuke found he had no idea what to say. Even though he had every intention of confronting Kurama, he had followed his trademark pattern of acting without thinking. He had come over here the minute he'd decided this wasn't worth it anymore, and he hadn't done much thinking about how to express himself.

Luckily, Kurama knew him well enough to realize something was wrong. Maybe even to realize a little of what was wrong, because after a brief look of what Yusuke guessed was compassion, Kurama seemed to close off, stiffen up somehow. Like he was anticipating being attacked. He walked past Yusuke and opened the door; then he turned and asked simply, "Will you come in?"

Yusuke nodded mutely. Once inside, Kurama quickly deposited an overflowing backpack and the three or four texts he hadn't been able to fit into it onto his desk, coughing slightly as he did so, and shrugged out of his jacket. He guided Yusuke to the couch, sitting opposite him. "What's wrong?" he asked, both simply and seriously.

Again, Yusuke found he didn't really know what to say. "I feel like I never see you," he began tentatively.

"Yusuke, I have to--"

"No, I know, that didn't come out right. I know you're busy. It's not that I don't see you, I just don't--it's not that."

Kurama watched, perfectly composed, while Yusuke ran a hand through his hair in aggravation. "What is it, then?" Kurama queried.

_Boy, if I could put my finger on exactly what is was... _"This isn't working for me."

"What is it that isn't working?"

He was so damned calm. Like it didn't matter. Yusuke found himself wishing he could hurt Kurama, wishing he could make him cry, just so he would know that he cared. The force of the want sickened him. _Maybe I'm too upset to do this now._ "Just--everything."

Kurama raised one eyebrow slightly. "Everything?"

He looked almost amused. Yusuke supposed that to someone with Kurama's eloquence and intelligence, he probably sounded like a child. Nevertheless, he kept trying. "I know we see a lot of each other. But it feels like--like you haven't given me--like you deny me."

Now the first sign of emotion from Kurama--he looked defiant, maybe even a little angry. "When have I ever denied you, Yusuke? I'm right here."

Yusuke felt his own anger stirring in response to Kurama's--_how dare he be angry, I'm the one who's hurting._ The anger loosened something in him, and he found the words he needed, his tone angry. "You deny me nothing, Kurama, and that's part of the problem. You've given me everything I could want--you're exclusive with me without my even having to ask, you gave me a key to your apartment, you always smile when you see me, you always have sex when I want to. You give me everything. But you don't give me _anything_ because none of it matters to you. You don't give a damn about what you're doing, so it looks like you're giving me everything when in fact you're giving me nothing. You're not giving me yourself; you're not letting me within a mile of your heart. And even though I want to be with you I would rather have nothing than these pretty, distracting, empty gestures you're so good at. I care about myself too much to keep living off them."

Yusuke made himself stop there, taking a few deep breaths.

He had gotten so wound up in venting that he hadn't even been paying attention to Kurama's reactions, and as he really looked at Kurama for the first time he found himself wishing he hadn't spoken so harshly. Kurama looked--well, he looked like he'd been slapped.

And as the seconds ticked by and he remained silent, Yusuke realized that possibly for the first time since he'd known him, Kurama didn't know what to say.

_Guilt. Guilt, ouch, ouch, guilt._ "Hey," he said softly. "Hey, I didn't--I'm sorry--"

He cut himself off when Kurama looked at him sharply. "Don't apologize for how you feel."

Forbidden verbal comfort, Yusuke hesitantly scooted closer, putting an arm halfway onto the back of the couch and halfway around Kurama's shoulders. As always, some part of him avidly watched and analyzed Kurama's reaction to him--_he didn't move away, that's good, he didn't stiffen up, even better, but he won't look at me, that's bad._ "Talk to me?"

"I don't know what you want me to say."

"How about what you feel," Yusuke said, anger stirring again at the thought that Kurama would only say what he thought Yusuke wanted to hear. "Tell me anything. Just as long as it's for real. Tell me what you're thinking, what you're going through, what you want--tell me if you're happy, or why you're not. Just talk to me like we used to."

Kurama still would not look at him. "I--I never meant to do this to you, Yusuke," he said haltingly.

"Then stop," Yusuke said, not liking the sound of that at all. The quiet sorrow--the pity, perhaps--in Kurama's voice was not what he was looking for. He took Kurama's chin in his hand, finally forcing the kitsune to meet his gaze. "Either tell me to get lost or start giving me what I need. I don't want this half-life that we've got anymore."

Kurama only looked at him for a moment before his gaze, inevitably, slid downwards. He turned his head to the side slightly. "You see?" Yusuke said, aggravated. "You see what it is you did right there? You turned away from me, but not so far that I can't reach you. Like you can't or won't give me what I'm asking for, but you don't want me to leave either, so what you do is give me half and hope I'll go and won't go at the same time. You have to make up you damn mind."

"Yusuke..."

"What?" Silence. "What, Kurama?" Kurama still didn't answer. "Kurama, I know part of you wants this. I know that. But you have to decide whether to act on it or not, and you have to start treating me like a _person_ again, not just this object that happens to be in your life."

"Stop," Kurama whispered.

Yusuke stopped. He stopped short, like he'd run into a brick wall. Kurama was crying.

_Well, there you go, Yusuke. There's that reaction you were looking for. See, he does care, he must because you hurt him so badly he's crying. Congratulations._

"Shit... Kurama, I'm sorry." Kurama did not stop crying; it wasn't just a few tears in the corners of his eyes, he was genuinely crying. "Shit," Yusuke said again, more heartfelt. The only thing he could think to do was to hold him closer, so he reached out and pulled Kurama against his chest, cradling him between his arms and legs. Kurama halfway hid his face against Yusuke's neck, and Yusuke promptly felt even more like a monster. "Kurama... koi, I'm sorry, I didn't mean all that."

"Yes you did." It was remarkable how steady Kurama could make his voice in the middle of all those tears. "I didn't... I didn't realize how badly I was hurting you, Yusuke."

Kurama sounded as miserable as Yusuke felt. Yusuke shifted slightly, wrapping his arms more comfortably around Kurama. Around a body that he now knew well, knew the shape and warmth of so familiarly that to touch it was casual, but the person inside the body was more of a mystery than ever. It was irony at its finest. "Do you understand what I'm talking about?" he asked. Kurama nodded. "And...?"

Kurama paused for a minute, seeming to pull his thoughts together. The tears had tapered off, for which Yusuke was immensely grateful. "I don't want you to go," Kurama finally began.

"Kurama, you--"

"Yusuke, if you want to hear this then please shut up for a minute." Startled, and pleased at the thought that Kurama was going to say something important, Yusuke promptly shut his mouth. "I... this whole thing, this... the problem between us has always been that I don't want you to go. I'd just as soon not complicate our relationship this way because I can't face the thought of losing you, do you understand? I care about you too much. And if I don't want to be close to you this way, it's because it creates so much potential for loss. I don't want that potential."

"Kurama, that potential is always there, in any relationship," Yusuke argued back. _I can't believe I'm telling him this. Isn't he supposed to be the smart one? But then, his emotional responses have always been a little screwed up. _"Always, no matter what the relationship. And what you're doing is making it worse because it hurts me and it drives me away. I mean, we're kind of past the point where you can just ignore this part of our relationship and hope it takes care of itself. It's making me miserable and I don't think you're happy either, I can't imagine that you're happy like this."

"But I can't send you away," Kurama objected. "It's not that I won't, Yusuke, I can't. I'm not capable of it. And I can't..."

Yusuke took a deep breath, not wanting to say what he had to say. "Kurama, I will always, always, always be your friend. You don't have to worry about that. But this isn't okay. You have to either come to where I am or tell me to move back; and I can't make that decision for you."

There was quiet for a moment. Kurama was still resting his head on Yusuke's shoulder; he had stopped crying completely, which only helped a little with Yusuke's guilt. He knew he'd needed to say all that, and he couldn't quite feel bad about having said it; but the hurt it had caused was another issue entirely. Yusuke stroked Kurama's hair back slightly. "Christ, Kurama, I didn't mean to hurt you like this."

Kurama shook his head slightly, negating the need for apology. "I needed to hurt," he said evenly. "You've been doing all the hurting in this relationship, and that's not fair."

Yusuke was moved, for some reason, by Kurama's quiet acceptance, and he pulled the kitsune closer. Kurama willingly nestled against him, coughing again slightly. Yusuke frowned, noting the raspy quality of the cough. "You getting sick?"

"Probably," Kurama replied casually, as though it didn't matter. "Colds do make the rounds during finals."

Yusuke glanced at the foot-high stack of books Kurama had tossed onto the desk earlier, and a fresh round of guilt assailed him. _Maybe this is my side of it._ Yusuke knew bloody well that it took two to tango and that everything couldn't possibly be Kurama's fault, but he hadn't been able to see himself doing anything wrong--now he realized that maybe even if Kurama wasn't giving enough, he himself was asking too much. Maybe Kurama simply didn't have as much time or attention to give as Yusuke would have liked. Now that everything had been said, he should cut the kitsune some slack.

"Okay," he said slowly, trying to piece together some plan of attack in his head. "Okay--how about this. How about--we just leave it for a bit. I mean, you don't have to decide what you want to do right now or anything. We can just think about it for a few days, now that we've talked about it, right? I'll just--I know I shouldn't have jumped on you right when you got back from school, I have to run some errands anyway, but I'll come back tonight and we'll just watch a movie or whatever, like we usually do. I mean, we can just give it a little time, right?"

"You'll come back?"

"Yeah," Yusuke said, struck by the uncertainty in Kurama's tone. Was it really possible that this whole problem was really just the result of his being frightened? Could that honestly be all there was behind his actions? "In a few hours. I just don't want to--I know we both need space. But I'll come back later."

Kurama nodded his acceptance, and sat up to allow Yusuke room to get off the couch. When Yusuke moved to kiss him goodbye Kurama turned his head to the side slightly, saying softly, "You'll get sick."

"Don't care," Yusuke said stubbornly. Kurama didn't try to move away again, and when Yusuke kissed him gently he could feel Kurama trembling very lightly. _Guilt, ouch, ouch, guilt._ Yusuke nuzzled Kurama's hairline slightly before standing, not even sure if leaving was the best course of action: he was, as ever, just flying by the seat of his pants. But Kurama didn't stop him, so with a last worried look, Yusuke let himself out into the rain.


	13. Decisions

_A/N: I'm sorry this took so much longer than usual to update! There's just been so much going on... well, I should be able to get several updates for you in the next week or so, including Balm of Gilead soon as well. This is the next-to-last chapter of this; I hope you enjoy!_

Chapter Thirteen: Decisions

Yusuke tried to carefully time his return to the apartment to give Kurama some time to think and get his emotions sorted out, but not so much time that Kurama might start to worry he wasn't coming back. He spent most of the time driving in aimless circles, not thinking. Even though he hadn't been crying, he was feeling that same dull, calm feeling that sometimes came after a long crying spell: like all his emotions had been purged, and he didn't have the energy to come up with new ones. Before going back he found himself stopping at a grocery store and picking up a few things like soup and ice cream that someone with a sore throat might want; he also got a few movies that he knew Kurama would like, without really knowing why he was doing it. _Am I trying t make a peace offering?_

_No; I'm trying to show him that I'm staying._ It was like Keiko had said, back when he was still just trying to get Kurama to go out with him: he had to prove to Kurama that he was in it for the long haul before Kurama would let him get close. Now that they'd had a serious fight, he was trying to reassure Kurama that he would still be there for him.

_But this is ridiculous. _Kurama was smarter than this. He wasn't the insecure one in this relationship; he was the composed and confident one who could always outwit the enemy, the older and wiser one who could always explain what was going on. How could his fear of losing Yusuke be this overpowering? Hadn't Yusuke already proved ten times over by now that he wanted this? Was it even possible to let fear drive you so completely?

An image flashed through Yusuke's mind: Kurama, standing with his hands clasped behind his back, allowing a lower-class demon to cut a bloody cross into his cheek. Yes… it was possible. Fear of loss had always motivated Kurama like nothing else.

And then another image followed hard on the first's heels: the Makai Tournament, after Kurama's battle, with Hiei helping him to his feet. Hiei had been the first of them to get to Kurama's side--but Kurama's hand had been stiff in his, and Hiei had looked away, shoulders tense. Their friendship was not what it once was--even though he knew they were both trying as hard as they could to repair it, it would never be what it once was. There was reason for Kurama to fear.

_Dammit, stop arguing his point for him! I don't care about all that._

But Kurama cared about it.

Kurama was sitting at his desk when Yusuke let himself back into the apartment. His textbooks and notebooks were spread out in front of him, but he was wearing an expression that said he had been staring at the same page without doing anything for a long time. Yusuke knew the expression well--it was the one he always wore when someone tried to make him study. "Need a break?"

"I think I needed a break five minutes after I sat down," Kurama replied.

Yusuke held out the movies he'd bought, and Kurama blinked at him. "Pick one. And go lie down on the couch. Didn't anyone ever tell you not to work so hard when you're sick?"

"I'm barely sick," Kurama protested. "You didn't have--"

"I know I didn't have to. Go lie down."

Kurama didn't lie down, but he did pick a movie and load it into the DVD player, and then sat quietly on the couch while Yusuke went into the kitchen and started making something for them to eat. _Damn it--this is the same old pattern. I'm forcing myself into his space and he's silently accepting it. I need to stop… after this._

Neither of them was talkative--after they ate Yusuke silently turned the movie on and lay back on the couch, and Kurama lay down with his head on Yusuke's chest, which was how they always wound up watching movies. Kurama's expression was troubled, so Yusuke knew he was still thinking through everything that had been said, but he still pressed comfortably close to his companion, so Yusuke felt it was alright to gently stroke Kurama's hair as the movie droned on. Yusuke was unable to concentrate on the story, and he knew Kurama wasn't really watching either, but neither of them suggested doing something else. Normally Yusuke would have started making moves on Kurama during a movie that held so little interest for him, but he firmly told himself not to. The next physical contact had to be initiated by Kurama.

When the movie finally ended, neither of them spoke for a moment as the credits trickled up the screen. Finally Kurama lifted himself a little to look at the clock. "Will you come to bed?" he inquired quietly.

Yusuke nodded. Even though he could tell from Kurama's tone that it hadn't necessarily been a sexual invitation, he couldn't help but notice that this was the first time Kurama had actually asked him to come to bed with him. He didn't know what it meant. So he maintained the heavy silence as they moved into Kurama's bedroom, as they stripped to their boxers, and as he lay down. Kurama got into bed, but he did not lie down--he sat next to Yusuke, with his knees to his chest and his arms around them, staring blankly out the window.

Yusuke let that go on as long as he could stand to before speaking. "Hey," he said. "There are better places to sit, you know, if you didn't want to lie down."

"I meant to lie down," Kurama said, without looking at him. "It's just…"

Yusuke propped himself up on his elbows. "Yeah?"

"That I don't know what I'm going to do yet. And I don't want to give you anything I can't back up."

That stung--but Yusuke realized Kurama was doing exactly what Yusuke had asked him to, and not giving him anything false anymore. Yusuke had assumed, though, that Kurama would be able to act on however he felt--it hadn't occurred to him that it might translate into a Kurama who was paralyzed.

Yusuke sat up all the way and angled his head so that he could follow Kurama's blank stare, wondering if there was anything of particular interest out the window or if that was just where Kurama's gaze happened to be resting. "Well," he said, trying to keep his tone practical, "do you know what you want?"

He was barely aware Kurama had turned his head before they were kissing--a slow, deep kiss, the kind they had so rarely shared because Kurama always either broke them off or turned them sexual. Now it was Kurama who was kissing gently and meaningfully, and Yusuke who was happily following his lead. "Yes," Kurama said simply when their lips had parted, turning his face forward again.

It took Yusuke a minute to realize Kurama's statement was in response to his question. When he put that and the kiss together, he wanted very badly to grab Kurama and just hold him, to sooth him and distract him somehow, make it all okay--but he forced himself to remain still. Kurama didn't need all that; it was Yusuke's desire to just sweep Kurama's uncertainties away and pretend they didn't exist that had gotten them into this mess in the first place. "I'm glad that's what you want," he finally managed to reply.

"I'm glad one of us is."

"Hey, that's harsh." Yusuke wasn't really offended, though, and his tone showed it, so that Kurama only shrugged listlessly at the rebuke. Yusuke battled down a resurgent batch of _comfort! comfort! comfort now!!! _instincts. _I was never like this with Keiko, or anyone… why do I just want to take care of him so badly?_ "Okay," Yusuke continued, in the same practical tone he had used before. "So if that's what you want…"

Kurama did lie down then--or rather, he flopped onto his back with a sigh. "Why is it my best friends are always calling me a coward?"

"Hey, I didn't--"

"But that's the answer to your question. I'm too cautious, and too afraid. I can't count the number of times Hiei's called me a coward," he added, his tone listless, as if commenting on something that didn't matter much. "Yomi used to call me a coward frequently as well. Now you. It must be true."

"Or we're all just jealous because you're smarter than us," Yusuke argued. "Kurama, I've been through tournaments with you. You're no coward."

"But this isn't a tournament," Kurama replied. "And when it comes to this… perhaps I am."

Yusuke'd been trying as hard as he could not to touch Kurama, to prevent the much-needed conversation from disintegrating into physical interaction, but he gave up. He stroked Kurama's hair back, the action leading into stroking the back of his hand gently down the length of Kurama's neck. Kurama watched him silently. "Maybe you're overcautious," Yusuke allowed. "But… I understand, I do, or at least I do as much as I can without having been through everything you have."

Yusuke paused for a moment, watching his hand on Kurama's neck, trying to get his thoughts into words. "If I could… if I could promise you that we would never break up, that I'd never break your heart, I would. I wish I could. But you're right that we can never truly know." He looked in silence for a moment at his fingers tracing Kurama's pulse, soaking in the connection between them before speaking. "Isn't it worth it anyway?"

Kurama lifted one arm from the bed and mimicked Yusuke's action, gently tracing his fingers across Yusuke's jaw and neck. Even in the middle of such a deep conversation, his touch wrought havoc on Yusuke's body. "You have so much courage, Yusuke," Kurama murmured, watching his fingers move. Then his eyes flicked to Yusuke's, and he smiled slightly. "Lend me some?"

"Sure." Kurama's fingers were moving back up, threading through his hair. "Anything you want."

"I want you to kiss me."

Surprised, Yusuke hesitated a fraction of a second before responding; he was not quite ready to end the conversation and he was afraid a kiss would end it, but he was incapable of denying any such request from Kurama. He lowered himself gently on top of the redhead, and kissed him gently and deeply before trying to lift himself back up. But Kurama clung to him. "No, Yusuke, please stay."

"But--"

"You're right." Yusuke stared at him, blinking. "You're right, and I'm wrong, and I'd rather risk being hurt later than keep hurting you like this. I'm sorry. Now please come here."

Yusuke didn't resist Kurama's pulling any longer and quickly found himself lying on top of Kurama again, kissing him deeply. There was something urgent in Kurama's movements, some tension in his body, and Yusuke tried to soothe it away. His head was spinning with what Kurama had said. "Was that--a decision, or--?" he panted when he was able to free his mouth.

"Come _here_," was all Kurama would reply, insistent and a little agitated. His paralysis had definitely fled, and instead Yusuke suddenly found himself with his arms full of needy fox. _But he did say that he wouldn't give me anything he couldn't back up… so he must…_

"Kurama?" Yusuke asked, confused and unable to help voicing it, sounding like a child to his own ears.

And perhaps to Kurama's, too, for the fox's movements lost their needy quality and Kurama placed a gentle kiss on Yusuke's forehead, gently stroking his hair back before answering the unspoken question. "This won't be easy for me, Yusuke. But--I can't stand the thought of losing you. Not just as a friend, as _this_. I want this. I'll try to start acting like it."

Yusuke couldn't help smiling at the hint of self-deprecation in the last statement, but he didn't get to comment on it. Kurama was kissing him again and Yusuke abandoned all pretense of anything but an enthusiastic response, secure that Kurama was willing to try. When they broke apart for air he began trailing kisses up and down Kurama's neck and chest, wanting nothing more than to revel in touch and to pursue both of their pleasure. When he noticed Kurama looking away, Yusuke reached up and turned his face back. "Look at me," he said, firmly but gently.

Kurama did so, and Yusuke realized immediately why Kurama always let his gaze slide away during sex, or any intimate moment. There was no masking the fear, the wariness, in those green eyes.

But having seen it was a start. And even though he knew it would take many many nights, Yusuke couldn't help trying with everything he had to fix it. He had to keep reminding Kurama not to look away from him, several times physically guiding Kurama's gaze back to him. Kurama still seemed to be fighting himself, his limbs tense even in the middle of pleasure. Halfway through he started crying softly, which was possibly the most unnerving thing Yusuke had ever experienced--he wanted very much to just stop and hold him, but Kurama asked him to keep going. Even though every instinct Yusuke had told him having sex with someone who was in tears was not a good thing, he trusted Kurama; so he continued what he was doing, unable to help wondering if these were good or bad tears.

Until afterwards, when a dry-eyed Kurama cuddled contentedly against him--without Yusuke reaching for him first--and fell asleep there within minutes. Then, Yusuke decided it was going to be okay.


	14. Okay

_A/N: Well, I meant to write another chapter, but found I couldn't write this any way but an epilogue. Thank you all for sticking with me in the _freaking year _it took to write this, I've had some ups and downs with it and the support is wonderful. I may be taking a break before I start any more long-shots, but never fear, there will definitely be more Y/K from me in the future._

Epilogue: Okay

"Okay" was an easy concept to understand--but getting there, Yusuke discovered, wasn't quick. Nor was the transition from friends to lovers easily accomplished. But Yusuke was now completely convinced it was possible, and he faced the challenge with not only renewed determination but a big change in his standpoint: instead of fighting Kurama, trying to wrest from him something he wasn't willing or able to give, Yusuke remembered that fighting Kurama was always a stupid thing to do. Kurama was, and always had been, his teammate, not his enemy. This was not a war, and neither of them had to beat the other.

It still wasn't easy.

For the first week or two after that night, things were rocky. They were newly uncertain of each other, and so they bickered easily and apologized quickly and bickered again almost immediately. Yusuke was trying to be both less combative and less passive about his own needs, a difficult combination, and Kurama was both more emotional and more demanding. There was times Yusuke wanted to just kill him and have it done with, and he was certain Kurama felt the same. They couldn't seem to find their niche, the way their new relationship would work.

There was a week in which Yusuke felt like Kurama was picking every fight he possibly could, arguing just for the sake of argument, and he was angry until he realized that he himself was doing the exact same thing and they were both testing each other. Then there was a longer period in which they had a reverse of their earlier relationship, and Kurama clung to Yusuke. Yusuke only realized then how truly annoying it was to be clung to. Much too aware of his own actions to point out Kurama's, he grit his teeth and didn't say anything.

Then, there came a day when Kurama refused to sleep with him. Or lie around on the couch making out, or go out on a date. He took Yusuke to The Wood and they spent the whole afternoon and part of the evening engaged in fast and furious sparring; then they went home, ordered takeout, and argued over who had gotten the better of whom. It was only later that night, as he lay tired and dirty and in his own bed, that Yusuke realized what Kurama was doing. Their friendship, as much as anything else, had broken over the past few months, and they couldn't be true lovers without being friends. The more he thought about it, the more sense it made. Yes, he had missed touching Kurama today, but he had also had more fun with him than he'd had in months, with nothing hanging over their heads; and now, when he thought about touching Kurama it was with more joy than before, no apprehension. Clever fox.

Yusuke took Kurama's idea and ran with it, making sure he actually talked to Kurama every day before automatically latching on to him, suggesting that they play games or spar as often as he suggested that they have sex. They discovered that going straight from challenging each other in a fight, chasing each other all over The Wood and tackling and grappling and using all their skill to fell the other, to challenging each other for their clothing, morphing from fighting into sharing their bodies another way, brought a joy to their lovemaking that had been absent before. Soon it got to the point where they couldn't spar without having sex afterwards, and Yusuke joked that their teammates were going to get an eyeful the next time there was a battle, but neither of them bothered to stop the pattern from forming. It felt too right, to switch from what they had already had to what they were just discovering and back again. Yusuke had thought Kurama didn't want a friend for a lover, so he'd tried to be a lover; now he realized how great it was to be both.

Kuwabara had the bad timing to enter The Wood one day towards the end of one of their matches; but luckily, enough of their clothing was still on that their disarray and heaving breathing could be explained by the sparring. At first Yusuke was annoyed to have been interrupted, but as the three of them chatted he suddenly realized that it had been months before he and Kurama had seen any of their mutual friends at the same time. And as soon as he realized that, he knew the reason why: because any of their friends would have seen how badly they were struggling, and so they had hid from them.

As soon as he understood that it became a personal challenge to tag along with Kuwabara when he went home; Yusuke hung out with Shizuru while Kurama coached Kuwabara through a difficult homework assignment, and then the four of them demolished a few pizzas together. It was fun, and simple, and even though Shizuru winked at him to let him know she was aware he was testing things out, he was proud that the hyper-intuitive siblings were at ease around them. Yusuke had felt at the edge of losing Kurama for so long, he had to keep reminding himself that things were not just alright but getting better.

Ironically enough, it was not anything Kurama did that finally convinced Yusuke that things really were going to stay okay. It was the day he let himself into Kurama's apartment and found Hiei raiding the refrigerator, the couch looking very slept-upon. If Hiei no longer felt the need to absent himself, it meant he had accepted Yusuke as a permanent factor in Kurama's life. That thought was exhilarating enough to battle down any resurgent jealousy, and Yusuke greeted Hiei cheerfully; so cheerfully, in fact, that Hiei eyed him askance. He didn't stay for long, but Yusuke knew he would be back. It was like all the threads that had been broken in their little group, when he and Kurama started acting so strangely, were being tied back together now that they were treating each other more naturally. The only thing he could have done without was Keiko's inability to refrain from the most annoying phrase ever: I told you so.

After a month in which Yusuke barely saw his own apartment, Kurama suggested casually that he might as well move in, and Yusuke happily agreed that this was really the only practical thing to do. Then they both tried to say "I love you" at the same time, and both stopped at the same, and laughed. And then they kissed and went back to what they were doing, not needing any more reassurance than that. It was more than the facsimile of a relationship they had clung to before; it was easy, and it was real. And better than okay.


End file.
